Happy Ash Wednesday?

Exactly what in the Hell is a "Happy" Ash Wednesday?

Let me first confess that I am not an Ash wearer.

I don't go Mass and have the Priest smudge ashes on my forehead as a reminder I'm going to die ... like Jesus did.

I already know I'm going to die.

There is no need to be reminded.

I'm in no hurry.

I like my life.

Before Ash Wednesday there's Mardi Gras ... more specifically "Fat Tuesday" ... a Pagan celebration dedicated to the God of Fertility ... or what Jimmy Buffett explains ... "Let's get drunk and screw."

The next day you ... (a) wake up with someone you don't know ... (b) wake up with someone you do know and are horrified ... (c) are quite content with you wake up with ... or (d) don't wake up.

The Catholic Church didn't like the freedom Pagans do and want people to feel terrible about the way we actually live our lives so Ash Wednesday was created.

The purpose of Ash Wednesday is for Priests (who deny doing things on Fat Tuesday) to smudge ashes on our foreheads and say ... "BAD BOY!" ... "BAD GIRL!" ... "YOU'RE KILLING YOURSELF!"

Ash Wednesday is actually the beginning of "The Guilty Season" ... you're supposed to feel terrible about yourself and the things you've done ... though Priests are somehow exonerated.

On the Up-Side ... Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent ... or the drying out period ... where you swear off everything you did on Fat Tuesday ... the person you wake up beside ... well except for (c) ... and sales of "The Morning After" Pill skyrocket! ... Pharmaceutical Companies LOVE Ash Wednesday.

Ah religion ...it's a funny thing ... when it's administered by Hierarchies, Governments and Big Business!

I mean why did they kill off Fat Tuesday to have Ash Wednesday?

I'll tell you why ... money.

You'll pay anything to get out of (a) waking up with someone you don't know ... (b) waking up with someone you do know and are horrified ... or ... (d) not waking up.

Plus religion administered by Hierarchies, Government and Big Business negotiated a giant kick-back from the Pharmaceutical Companies.

Honestly that how big religion works.

All that to say "HAPPY ASH WEDNESDAY!"

Wherever you are.

Whoever you're with.

Assuming you woke up.