Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Our Adventure

On the tiny uninhabited island of Tintamarre in the French West Indies, Sarah and I walk alone through tall grass growing on hard dried coral.

Leaving the others by the crystal clear water on white soft sandy beach we’ve embarked on an adventure.
It’s hotter and dryer as we make our way towards a gate of a ghost farm.

Miles of rock are stacked forming an impenetrable fence and we both imagine a once thriving village, filled with cattle, sheep and gardens.
We spy goats still roaming the island and Sarah snaps their picture.

Making our way through the gate we finally arrive at the buildings, the cistern and other remnants of the past.

Cold fire pits, discarded mattresses, beer bottles litter the floor of what once was the island store, now used by giant hermit crabs.
It is deathly quiet and both of us feel a bit spooked anticipating someone to jump upon us at any second though we know there’s nobody here save us.

After a while, we make our way back to the pristine beach where our friends wait beside the boat.
“How was it?” they ask.

“It was great! You should have come.”

At some point during our exploration Sarah commented, “I’m glad it’s just us. It’s time for our own adventures.”
We’re still on it.

Defying conventional wisdom, we’re making our way in our way. While we’re pretty clear about where we’re going to end up, we have no idea whatsoever how we’re getting there. She’s a planner so it can drive her crazy while I believe that unplanned excursions and unconventional choices often lead to places where God resides.
It’s like we’re still on that ghost farm because it’s just each other getting ourselves further along to where we’re going. There are lots of things to be scared of so we listen harder to each other, try to be more kind and hold each other tighter through the nights.

We’ve also noticed lots of others are on solitary journeys; moving from things they hate to what they desire; transitioning from acceptance towards fulfillment; leaving death like existence in marriages, jobs, communities and beliefs to choose life rooted in love, fulfillment, community and spirituality!
The God’s honest truth is none of us know how things are going to turn out regardless of the planning and preparation we put into how we want things to be at the end.

It’s also a Divine absolute that everyone believes we have plenty of time to do the things we want though we really don’t have a clue.

There is only now and whatever it is we are doing with it.
When Gandalf approached Bilbo he explains, “I am looking for someone to share in an adventure I am arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone.”

“I should think so --- in these parts,” Bilbo replies. “We are plain quiet folk have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner.”
He didn’t want to go.

It’s the same when Jesus told Simon Peter to follow and crusty fisherman protested, “Go away from me; I’m a sinful man.”

In both instances, they had the adventures of a lifetime that we’re still talking about.

That’s the adventure Sarah and I are on.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Working out love

"Do not be anxious about anything," St. Paul writes in his jail cell, "but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God."

I suspect the old Apostle's request to God was "Get me the hell out of here! I'll thank you later!"

And in time, he eventually did get out, though it's unclear how much, if anything, God had to do with it. He'd done his time and they needed the space because it's always brisk in the jail business.

I've known and visited lots of people in jail. I offered housing to many released from prison who had no home to go to so they came to me.

Over time it was easy to see virtually all of them were very religious people.

Faith is easier to find when you're locked up and lonely. With no one else to talk to, they talked to God.

"Please get me out of here," they beg, "and I promise I'll do better next time."

Like the old Saint, they were eventually released too with a chance to start over albeit with the albatross of a criminal record that greatly reduced the opportunities facing them.

Because I have the "REV" in front of my name, they shared their stories with me, made confessions or asked my forgiveness for things I knew nothing about. There was a desperateness to their faith which I've rarely seen in religious institutions of any kind.

At the same time, I've never met anyone who isn't imprisoned by anxieties.  Everyone expects the worst even when they're praying for the best. We worry about most everything, sometimes to the point of becoming completely overwhelmed. The older we grow, the worse it seems to get.

Like the prisoner sitting in his cell, we long to be free too. Free to go somewhere else, be with somebody else, do something else and do these things completely free of fear.

"What's it like?" a friend asked. "I mean you get up every day and do what you want. You live where you wish and with Sarah who works with you. I want to do what you're doing. How do you do it? Aren't you anxious?"

"Sure," I reply. "Of course I am but so far so good. We're not certain how sustainable it is but we're giving it our best and we believe with everything in us that it'll work out in the end."

"There are two basic motivating forces," said the Major Prophet John Lennon, "fear and love. When we're afraid we pull back from life. When we are in love we are open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement and acceptance."

So I'm doing the things I love and doing them now! I'm afraid to put it off like lots of people do. So I'm going to keep working on the things I love with a belief that love works everything out so I don't have to worry.
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Friday, October 18, 2013

Cicada Hymns

It's simply a spectacular day!

The sun blazes white light in a deep blue sky. Only a few whips of white clouds dot the heavens. Fran's thousand shades of green hang gloriously above waving every so slightly in the ocean breeze. The pungent aroma of the marsh is intoxicating. Birds sing solos as yellow butterflies make love to purple blossoms of the petunia.

It's quite the contrast from things going on in the world.

Government employees return to work because the bastards we've elected orchestrated yet another crisis so they could again save the day.

If the Bible were still being written, prophets would rise against the Pharisees and Sadducees governing by lavishing riches upon themselves while overseeing famine throughout the land proclaiming to do it in the name of God.

I believe in Hell because of every damn one of them.

And I pray every damn one of them goes to Hell.

That's a harsh beginning to a spectacular day.

The birds form themselves in a choir forcing me to pause from dark thoughts and enjoy their Hallelujah Chorus.

I stand applauding and they bow before flying away into the glorious day.

Returning to the darkness, people I love are hurting flash across my brain and heart. Their lives are fragile as the spider web I stare at running from the gutter to the Hibiscus plant on the back deck.

Glancing away I realize I've stared at it for 20 minutes completely engulfed in prayer for those I love with no cognition whatsoever of the fact I'd been transported to another universe. I think that's what prayer really is ... losing ourselves in God ... completely leaving our bodies only to snap awake and wonder what happened to the last 20 minutes.

The choir of cicada begin their Hymns and I listen.

My friend Kyle Shiver recently sent me a recording of Cicada singing on two tracks. The first in real time but the second is slowed sounding like Angels chanting. It's incredible! I always though Cicada sound holy when they sing. Now I'm convinced.

I come out of another prayer trance. Fifteen minutes has passed.

"Dammit Scotty," I say out loud. "Stop beaming me up!"

Then I wonder if it's Scotty at all.

It may be God.

"Do not worry about tomorrow," inexpiably runs through my head. "for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I have no doubt about the second part of that. Every day's got troubles.

It's the first part I struggle with. Don't worry about tomorrow. Let it worry about itself.

What I've got is today.

Don't worry about it.

Enjoy it.
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Monday, September 23, 2013

Free from Fear

"Even the worst among us are precious. Even the most precious among us bear crosses."

Says Frederick Buechner and I certainly believe it true.

Everyone carries crosses, bears burdens, deals in doubt, struggles with security and you are weighted down by worries.

And everyone keeps them secret.

Living in fear rather than admit our realities, we make things worse, keeping them quiet, holding them dear, sharing them only with God in dark nights of the soul.

Making it worse, God keeps quiet.

The most religious and holy among us hide these things behind their faith.

Corporate leaders hide in towers of steel, wood and glass making themselves impossible to see behind the façades of power. We conclude they are different somehow, smarter, luckier, braver or just blessed.

Politicians promise they're different, having nothing to hide though everyone knows they're lying but we choose to believe the lies.

The rest of us keep our nose to the grindstone, our mouths shut, hearts closed and eyes focused on things we believe will bring relief ... the one true love, the promotion, the big sale, the affirmation of someone else or the winning lottery ticket.

We believe in Heaven because we've already touched Hell and it never goes away.

Not wanting anyone else to know, we keep it to ourselves.

What's funny is most of us have lots of good going on too. Living where we want or at least in comfort, watching healthy children grow, there's groceries in the Fridge and gas in the car. We have friends even though some are bad ones. Another day has been given to us.

These things aren't enough though.

What we really want is to be free from fear.

But fear seems to trump most days.

It's been said the more you love yourself, the less effect fear has on you.

I believe this too.

Today when the cross digs keep into your back, the burdens make you stumble, insecurity washes over you like a flood and worries throw wet blankets over your head and heart ... stop for a second and hug yourself.

If you're lucky enough, hug someone else too.

"There is no fear in love," says the Apostle John, "because love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. Those who fear aren't living in love."

That's my plan for today.

What's yours?

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