A Question of Faith

You know those stories of someone who finally retires only to die?

They finally hit the magic money number, feeling they can afford to "live" without work, but the shock is too much for their system so they shut down ...  way before they planned.

It's the ultimate irony.

Work hard to finally get what you want to not have it when you want it.

It's like Moses leading the people to the Promised Land only to die before he got there.

Honestly it all works out for many and while that doesn't seem fair you can't begrudge it when they have the happiest of lives.

The crazy thing is our body shuts down and wears out just as we hit the "golden years," so instead of traveling the world we hire home health to ensure we remain home or move into assisted care facilities.

And all the things we always meant to do ... remain things we always meant to do.

Life is a gift all of us share yet none of us asked for ... and it's not always fair.

I don't know why God made it this way but ... it is what it is.

I've known lots of people who had bad luck hit them way before their time ... cancer in their prime ... their child dies ... a parent needs constant caregiving ... jobs are lost ... the money runs out while friends run away.

What do you do?

The song "Living on a prayer" keeps running through my mind and I think the answer's along that train of thought.

Ultimately life is a big question of faith.

I believe things work out the way they're supposed to.

Even when cancer hits someone in their prime it forces life to appreciated like never before ... when a child dies we understand the incredible gift of a child ... caring for a parent no longer capable of tending for themselves enables us to pay them back ... lost jobs mean new opportunities ... no money in the bank leaves you with nothing but God to rely on ... lost friends leave you with an appreciation of who remains with you.

It's not always fair but it is always life.

"What to do? What to do?"

That's the only question.

And the only answer is ... enjoy this or not?

Believe it's supposed to happen this way or not.

Make the most of whatever it is you got or wish for a life that you don't have.

Because it is what it is.

Half Truths or Happiness?

"You're crazy," he said pointing a television camera in my face, "you're one of those people who can talk about anything for 5 minutes."

I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

"Seriously," he pressed, "I could say ... I don't know ... nuclear fusion ... and you'd talk for 5 minutes before I'd realize you're just making shit up."

Jodee Sadowsky stifles a laugh.

We were in Jodee's popular restaurant The Breakfast Club, after hours as I was being interviewed for a PBS documentary on lighthouses and he'd agreed to host it to promote his business. He and his brother Nick were busy prepping for the next day.

"When I make love," I reply without cracking a smile, "I like to split the photons from my neutrons creating a nuclear explosion."

Everyone burst out laughing.

"Even my neighbors are blown away," I continue though the camera is laying on the table as the crew wipe tears of laughter from his eyes.

I've always had a good rapport with the Press.

I speak their language ... half truths and made up shit occasionally dressed in absolute truth.

I learned how to do it in Seminary, somewhere between Hebrew and Greek was "Bullshit."

These days I shy away from such things. "Politics is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings," said Samuel Johnson and I concur.

"The people want pastors, not clergy acting like bureaucrats and Government officials," says Pope Frances I and I agree with him too.

"Whoever controls the media, controls the mind," proclaimed the Prophet Jim Morrison and I think he's right too because there's some crazy people in charge of the news ... any News!!

Politics, "Professional Christianity" and the Media was my life for decades, and though I can still do it all with the best of them, I've ended up in a quieter world.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," is pretty much how I go about things now.

"The world will be saved one neighbor at a time," is how it's put in the Talmud and that's what Sarah and I do for a living.

I like where I am now much more than before. It's a happy place where nothing's made up anymore. Even when sad things happen, they're accepted in love and truth. It is what it is. We love you. And that's the truth.

It's better that way.

Besides, the great interview I did about the Lighthouse ended up on the cutting room floor, though The Breakfast Club was mentioned.
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The Best Ending Yet

It's time to do new things ... again!

I'm the first to admit making a change, starting over and beginning something from scratch is like betting it all at the roulette table!

There's an impending certainty everything's going to be great as you dance into the Promised Land or your shoulders slump as you drag your feet to the Land of Broken Dreams.

I've started over so many times you'd think it would be as easy as riding a bicycle but it's not.

"What happens if this doesn't work out?" I'm asked.

"Of course it's going to work out," I reply confidently. "It always works out. Everything always works out."

Having said that, I freely admit it never quite works out the way I thought.

Each of my beginnings started with a lump in my throat and wishes that I don't fail or make a fool of myself.

In spite of these doubts, they all worked out great!

"Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith," says Frederick Buechner and I can't agree more.

That's why I know it's going to work out because my ass is itching with doubts. I just know its going to be alright because everything else I've done has been wildly successful, wonderful, inspiring, fulfilling and fucking fun!

Plus, they all had a really great ending!

You know when you go to a play or a movie, the best ones have a really great finale?

Well, the things I've done had tremendous endings ... both professionally and personally! They made you jump out of your seat roaring in laughter while applauding like crazy or ... wiping tears as you slumped in the chair asking yourself unanswerable questions.

The thing about both good beginnings and great endings is you can only do them once. If you try to do them again you're doomed to fail.

That's why most people only do one thing in their life. They're too frightened to risk failure so they settle for the safety of monotony. Painting the house a new color pushes their boundary line of comfort.

"I don't know Margaret. The house has always been blue. I think it would shock people to paint it red."

So they keep everything the same.

Or, as my friend Rodger Pack once said, "Mike, I want you to meet my next ex-wife!"

I loved Rodger. He had tremendous endings too but it never stopped him from new beginnings.

Anyway, I've got lots of new stuff going on in my life. Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts is my newest book. Next month I'm teaching a new class "Doing what's Right for you". Both are just in time for Christmas! The book is great gift for others and the class is a terrific present to yourself!

We're also celebrating the Holidays in whole new ways, remaking a company, redoing the house and picking new places to visit. We've made new friends, read new books and find new ways to do most everything.

"Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you shall find. Knock, and it will be opened to you."

That's the thing. Most don't ask, never seek and certainly don't knock so everything stays the same.

Not me!

I'm well slid into the later part of my life and have tons to still accomplish!

"There's too much to see, waiting in front of me that I know I just can't go wrong," is how Jimmy Buffett puts it.

That's what I know with everything inside of me.

Plus, this is going to be the best ending yet!
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The Boy Is On Fire

"Can we walk outside for a moment," he says interrupting me, "you're filling up this room and I need to breath."

I don't know what to say and keep quiet as we walk out on the Beloved Back Deck.

Kyle places his hands on the railing, closes his eyes and takes deep breaths.

I plop in a chair to give him space.

It's a beautiful day with a bright sun, slight ocean breeze and everything is blooming brilliant blues, pinks, reds and whites. 

Taking my shirt off to work on my tan, I toss it on the table and watch him open his eyes and smile at the Palm Tree with the oyster eyes.

"Is that Fran?" he asks pointing at the wall of trees that canopy the privacy fence.

Nodding my head I watch his smile broaden and he turns towards me. He is very tall with long wavy brown hair cascading his shoulders. The flowing white shirt he wears gives the impression he's the ghost of a Shaman because his skin is very pale.

"Whew," he smiles sitting down, "you have so much energy it was overwhelming me and I need more space.

"I'd rather be out here," I shrug.

His smile is beatific and there is a sweetness about the man. Sarah and I had agreed to help him if we could and he was asking for it now.

"So as I was saying, I've done music my whole life. I've never worked a 9-5 job but I got a nice house, food in the Fridge and cable television!"

The way he says it is filled with wonderment and pride so it makes me smile.

"But I want more. I'm tired of the bars. And I have this chance," he explains. "I've been asked to combine my music with speaking in Churches and workshops across several states."

That's why he's here. I'm coaching him on getting his story together, doing it right and building an arsenal of antidotes he can whip out whenever he needs it.

That was a couple of months ago but yesterday I received a message from him on Facebook with a link to his most recent speech.

"The boy is on fire," he wrote.

Clicking the link, I listened to his marvelous story perfectly delivered to a group in Greensville, South Carolina as I sat in the same chair on the same deck without a shirt on perfectly beautiful day.
His speech made me smile. (Check him out at https://soundcloud.com/thespiritcenter/kyle-shiver-sel-realization !)

"The boy has indeed come a very long way in a very short period of time," I wrote him. "I'm proud of you."

And I sat there and kept right on smiling.
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Happy Day of the Dead!

Happy Day of the Dead!

I'm not really certain if that's the appropriate greeting but I like the Day of the Dead.

Originating with the Aztec Indians in Mexico, it's a day for family and friends to gather and remember friends and family members who have died.

In Christianity, it's called All Saint's Day to remember and celebrate all of those who are in Heaven, which is a better way of saying, "They're not dead, they're in Heaven!"

* There is no mention of remembering anybody who went to Hell instead of Heaven on All Saints Day who are also dead which is merely the Christian way of saying "Aw, to hell with them!"

I like the "Day of the Dead" better.

It says it like it is.

People I love died.

I'm not big fan of death but I understand and accept the fact that it happens.

Given my druthers, I like to have all friends and family back but that's simply not the way life works.

The Day of the Dead makes time to remember them and to celebrate the fact they lived. This is done by cooking the person's favorite food, having a picnic at the grave and celebrating their lives.

I think that's a good way to do it.

It would take me a month or so to get the celebrations done. Granddad and Grandma Carver, Dad, Uncle Fred, Ricky, Rick, Sheri, Uncle Bud, Granddad and Grandma Elliott, Aunt Regis, Uncle Ruben ... Hell that's two weeks worth of celebrating right there!

And that's just my family!

Bubba, Fran, Chicago Bob, Trolley Joe, Georgia, Bruce Barns, Chester Fawbush, Joe Bridges, Rodger Pack, Sidney Daniels, Dan Sheehan ... SHIT! Naming all of my friends who have died is going to take a long time so that's just going to make the celebration last longer.

Like I said, the Day of the Dead celebration is going to take a month or so in my case!

Though, the truth is hardly a day goes by that I don't think about them.

They're still alive in my heart where I keep them safe and hold them dear. My Dad and I still have beers together, Bubba still makes me laugh, Fran's still teaching me green, Chicago Bob feeds me his great lines when I need them, and Grandma Carver says prayers with me in the middle of the night.

I don't know how I would get through a day without them.

I celebrate them every day so I suppose, for me at least, every day is the Day of the Dead.

It's not morose, macabre or weird that I can still feel Trolley Joe's arm around my shoulders when I'm having a shitty day or Dan Sheehan's always there when I'm having to do something I really don't want or Uncle Fred reminds me when I need to exhibit grace.

As time passes my friends and family who have died become more precious to me and I find myself interacting with them more some days than when they were alive. I delight in them and am increasingly thankful they graced my life. I don't focus much on the fact that they're gone but concentrate intensely that they were here. I would never have become me without them.

It's a good Day of the Dead!

I'm already celebrating!

How are you going to celebrate it?
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Ready for a good read? My new book "Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts" is now available at http://www.meellc.com/wordpress/newbook/

Free from Fear

"Even the worst among us are precious. Even the most precious among us bear crosses."

Says Frederick Buechner and I certainly believe it true.

Everyone carries crosses, bears burdens, deals in doubt, struggles with security and you are weighted down by worries.

And everyone keeps them secret.

Living in fear rather than admit our realities, we make things worse, keeping them quiet, holding them dear, sharing them only with God in dark nights of the soul.

Making it worse, God keeps quiet.

The most religious and holy among us hide these things behind their faith.

Corporate leaders hide in towers of steel, wood and glass making themselves impossible to see behind the façades of power. We conclude they are different somehow, smarter, luckier, braver or just blessed.

Politicians promise they're different, having nothing to hide though everyone knows they're lying but we choose to believe the lies.

The rest of us keep our nose to the grindstone, our mouths shut, hearts closed and eyes focused on things we believe will bring relief ... the one true love, the promotion, the big sale, the affirmation of someone else or the winning lottery ticket.

We believe in Heaven because we've already touched Hell and it never goes away.

Not wanting anyone else to know, we keep it to ourselves.

What's funny is most of us have lots of good going on too. Living where we want or at least in comfort, watching healthy children grow, there's groceries in the Fridge and gas in the car. We have friends even though some are bad ones. Another day has been given to us.

These things aren't enough though.

What we really want is to be free from fear.

But fear seems to trump most days.

It's been said the more you love yourself, the less effect fear has on you.

I believe this too.

Today when the cross digs keep into your back, the burdens make you stumble, insecurity washes over you like a flood and worries throw wet blankets over your head and heart ... stop for a second and hug yourself.

If you're lucky enough, hug someone else too.

"There is no fear in love," says the Apostle John, "because love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. Those who fear aren't living in love."

That's my plan for today.

What's yours?

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The Excuse

A father and son stand in a green field tossing a football back and forth as they talk.

It's one of those things you see in back yards throughout the country, in parks and empty lots or on a college campus on game day.

Close enough to talk, there's enough distance between them for the ball to zip crisply through the air. Laughter erupts should one drop a pass. They are playing an old game with each other.


There is an easiness between them as they've played together for years and have long mastered the other's deceptions. Their conversation is about everything and nothing. Obviously they're simply having a good time hanging out.

The father is 57.

His son is 35.

Had the girls been with them, a 33 and a 25 year old would be throwing the ball with the same crisp zip and with banter just as easy and laid back.

Friends arrive so the boy and his Dad put the ball down, greeting them warmly and offering morning cocktails. The empty table they'd set up under the tent quickly fills with food and overflows. Handshakes lead to laughter and stories both true and false.

Both the father and the son call their wives to report the success of the morning gathering and implore them to join in next time.

All too soon, the friends say their goodbyes and help the boy and his Dad pack everything away. The air fills with mist and they can smell the coming rain. The two don't care as they make their way to the excuse for being together again.

Time marches on and things change. Sons and daughters start families of their own and move to distant places. Job and obligations get in the way of family traditions which slowly slip away. New things will take their place.

But not quite yet.

For a little while at least I'm a proud young Father again playing ball with the little boy I love so deeply.
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An eccentric life dotted with eclectic characters pop from the pages of award winning author Micheal Elliott’s newest book Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts. His musings immerse you in a world of headshaking wonder, gut wrenching laughter, heart touched tenderness and empathetic tears.
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Never letting the truth stand in the way of a good story, Elliott’s ninth book takes you on a wild journey of “Wow! Really! I can’t believe that!” every day moments. Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts exemplifies his gift of capturing common thoughts and painting them perfectly into words.

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Order yours now at http://www.meellc.com/wordpress/newbook/

The nation of outsiders

My career resembles the movie "Animal House" more than anything else.

I was always an outsider working on behalf of the nation of outsiders. Representing homeless people, people with AIDS, the uninsured and addicts of every kind, we were insanely crazy enough to really believe we could win!

And we did.

I've been surrounded with co-workers as nutty as the Deltas in the movie. Sarah, Diane Reel-Fuller, Keller Deal, Kelly McDaniel, Joe Bridges, Gloria Coleman, Alisa Monfalcone ... an endless parade of absurd believers in love conquering hate, justice reigning supreme, the dead constantly being raised and we really can have heaven on earth.

Talk about unorthodox!

We were crazy.

Memorial Hospital kept sending people back to a homeless shelter because they weren't sick enough to be admitted. I'm sure it had nothing to do with their inability to pay because hospitals are sanctuaries ... places of  healing.

So we kept sending the sick people back to the hospital.

The hospital kept sending them back ... in a cab.

There's a wonderful law in this country that if you go to the Emergency Room and say you're having a heart attack, you receive a complete medical examination on the spot.

So one night, 63 homeless people had heart attacks at the same time.

As crazy as it was to orchestrate such a thing ... it worked.

Afterwards, homeless people received the best health care in the city for a long time and national recognitions rained down on each of us who had anything to do with it.

But it started with a pissed off act of rebellion.

I've got lots of stories like that.

They begin in love mixed with anger ... a combination leading to crazy actions ... all hell breaks loose ... which naturally leads to very successful results.

It's backwards from what we're taught, the opposite of societal norms, shocking to the majority and ... as much as people hate it ... they love it.

We all want to be the radical who proves everyone else wrong.

We know we're "the fool on the hill who sees the sun going down and the eyes in his head sees" ... everything.

Everybody wants to rule the world.

But ... we don't.

We're too scared. We might fail and look silly. People we love will disapprove. We'll feel silly. The truth of the matter is we really couldn't stand heaven if it hit us in the face.

Sarah and I are hard at work ... reinventing ourselves ... again. We're not paying much attention to the things expected of us. Starting a company from scratch, blending families, working from home, traveling anyway, investing everything we have in ourselves ... we're crazy!

In the most wonderful ways.

Anais Nin said, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

To hell with the confines of the world! They're too many of them anyway and they just keep things the same. We were sick of the same. So we're making new.

Yeah it's scary.

But dammit it's fun!

What are you doing today?

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♦ Embracing peace in your life! “You are one of the most tormented people I know,” she said. I was at the height of success, living at the beach, working in a beautiful city, having everything I thought I wanted…but she was right. I was miserable and didn’t know why. Then I decided to take a journey inside of myself. Life is too short and I deserved to happily celebrate my life. As much as I wanted to lay the blame at the feet of others, it was my own fault and I needed to know why I prevented myself from enjoying my life. I needed to find peace. And I did. You can find yours.

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Peace

"The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation."

It's a great line from the musical RENT written by Jonathan Larson.

I think its true too. War is about violence and death, social disruption, economic destruction. It's authors are mostly politicians and ministers. "It means destruction of innocent lives," as the song goes, "War means tears to thousands of mothers eyes; when their sons go to fight and lose their lives."

No matter how you slice it, war sucks.

It is true that peace is characterized by a lack of violence, conflict and freedom from fear but the $100,000 question is how do we get there?

Let's be honest, much of the time we're at war with the members of our families. Sometimes in literal ways but more often through suppressed feelings, hidden anger and looks that can kill.

Our children can drive us absolutely crazy and we conjure punishments and prisons, stripping them of the things they enjoy so we can teach them a lesson.

Friends abandon us in our worse times of need, tell us things we want to hear rather than the truth and are suspiciously absent when someone should be standing up on our behalf.

My friend Jimmy Cochran wrote a marvelous thing about his mother recently. He was taking her out for lunch and she's old and is having trouble getting out of the car.

"What's happening to me?" she asks in frustration.

And the peace that passeth all understanding hit Jimmy like a ton of bricks.

He remembers a lifetime in a second. Everything she's ever done out of love for him flashes before him, all of the times she created love out of bad situations, unfortunate accidents, or when she pushed him to be more than he was becoming.

Peace is an easily vanishing experience, especially the kind that surpasses all understanding, and they were quickly back to their mortal selves with her asking him what in the hell he's staring at, helping her elderly body out of the car and admonishing him to not put any of this on Facebook, which he did.

You grab hold of peace and it's gone.

In the end, it really is about creating, because when all is said and done, we're either creating the wars or we're making peace with things.

I don't know about you but I "ain't going to study war no more."

I got better things to do.

I'm heading down to the riverside ...

lay my burdens down ...

talk with the Prince of Peace ...

touch the people I love.
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October 2013 ♦ Embracing peace in your life! “You are one of the most tormented people I know,” she said. I was at the height of success, living at the beach, working in a beautiful city, having everything I thought I wanted…but she was right. I was miserable and didn’t know why. Then I decided to take a journey inside of myself. Life is too short and I deserved to happily celebrate my life. As much as I wanted to lay the blame at the feet of others, it was my own fault and I needed to know why I prevented myself from enjoying my life. I needed to find peace. And I did. You can find yours.

check it out at http://www.meellc.com/wordpress/indepthclasses/

C'est La Vie

It has been brought to my attention that I am remarkably consistent in my inconsistency.

I don't deny it.

Most people believe in absolutes. Things are black or white. You're liberal or conservative. There are believers and non-believers, lovers and haters, the good and the bad.

I believe life's more grey.

Like piano keys, black and white mixed together can make beautiful sounds. If just one set of keys are played it's pretty one dimensional.

Politics is for extremists though the truth is most often in the middle.

Believers are filled with doubt while non-believers long for something to fill empty places.

Lovers absentmindedly fall into apathy and haters sometimes overcome above their indifference.

Good people occasionally do bad things and bad people surprise everyone when they rise to the occasion.

You can never quite be sure.

There's always more than one side to a story.

It's not to say I don't have convictions because I certainly do!

I hate cold weather with everything in me. I love my kids, the girls, Goddess, Winston, the little gay dog, summer, the beach, St. Martin and the University of Georgia football team with everything inside of me.

I simply adore my beloved Sarah and emotionally fall apart when we're not on the same page. I just shut down.

The older I get, the more I think it's all C'est la vie.

That's life!

Clarity often slips into ambiguity and then slides back to crystal clear visions but with nagging wonderment if it's the right way or not?

We're all working our way through the best we can.

Some of us do better than others though each of us struggle.

I have both the blessing and the curse of being an extremely empathetic person. I feel what others share deeply and in real time.  A friend is hurting, feels taken advantage of, hates life or wants something different shares with me and I share it back. I live the moment with them even though I often think they've made their own bed and are now laying in it.

I don't tell them that though.

I encourage instead.

Life's hard enough to get through.

We can all use more encouragement.

I overdo it and I know I do.

Sometimes at my own expense.

Certainly at the expense of others.

Sitting here pondering these things, I say the same prayer that I say every single day.  It's one of my absolutes.

"Hey God! Help me to be the best me I can be today. I'm sure I'll fuck some things up but I really am doing my best. If I can help anyone else along the way then that's good too. Bless the things I love and let me love them like you do. And if you can find a use for the things I hate ... well that's great. You being God and all made it for a reason. Oh ... and thanks for this life. Thank you for Sarah, the kids the girls, Goddess, Winston, the little gay dog, warm weather, the here and the now."

It's my life.

C'est la vie!
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An eccentric life dotted with eclectic characters pop from the pages of award winning author Micheal Elliott’s newest book Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts. Over 200 pages of his musings immerse you in a world of headshaking wonder, gut wrenching laughter, heart touched tenderness and empathetic tears.

Never letting the truth stand in the way of a good story, Elliott’s ninth book takes you on a wild journey of “Wow! Really! I can’t believe that!” every day moments. Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts exemplifies his gift of capturing common thoughts and painting them perfectly into words. Release date (pre-order books ship) is September 23, 2013.

Pre-order your copy for $10.95, plus $4 S&H now! Offer ends August 31st.

(Regular price $14.95, plus $4 S&H takes effect 9/1)

Religious Rules

"Dear Lord, I plan each day with what I will not do or say ..."

It's how a lot of people approach their religion, thinking its a bunch of rules that you follow. Sure there are Ten Commandments of which I've broken eight. Most everybody has broken some of them and its best to be honest about it and say so.

I've done a much better job with the Greatest Commandments, "Love God with everything you got and Love the people in your life like you love yourself" (Micheal Elliott Revised not-so-standard version). God and I have a pretty good relationship. We have wine together most every night on the Beloved Back deck. I say all sorts of things though God keeps pretty quiet. I'm convinced I'm heard though and every once in a while God actually speaks.

Most of my neighbors like me and I like most of them. Oh sure, the Kat Lady drives me nutty sometimes with her "Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty" screeching and across the street a fat lady gardens in her underwear which is not a pretty site. But we speak and get along all right.

I don't pay any attention to all of those church rules. Attendance for example. If's hard to even remember what the rules are if you never go. Consequently, I'm not too bothered about what I'm not doing.

Even at Bar Church, I've taken to stopping by sometimes before it starts to talk to Psalmist Stephen. He'll tell me what's happening and I'll leave before it starts. That's pretty much enough for me these days.  If I need more organized religion I visit Psalmist Stephen at the Sugar Shack to get sprinkles of wisdom.

I've noticed lots of people discussing how there are too many religious rules these days and how lots of them are made up things that somehow got inserted into God's rule book. God knows nothing about it.

America's Greatest Minister Guy Salyes wrote a great piece on "Being and being Loved, Before doing and duty" which is a crazy title. Then again he's always been a wild and crazy Guy. He goes on to dismiss the majority of rules Churches have as they get in the way of a real relationship with God. He doesn't come right out and say "To hell with these rules" like I do but it's pretty close.

Plus I've been working on the Micheal Elliott Revised Not-So-Standard Version of the Bible which will soon be available in paperback for $666. It's a much more accurate translation accentuating the sex, murder and debauchery of the Bible which is glossed over by most churches. When's the last time you heard a really steamy sermon from Song of Solomon?

If that wasn't enough I'm reading Georgia's Greatest Christian runner up Michael Ruffin's "Prayer 365" which is a bunch of prayers. I really distain bad prayers and have heard way too many when both God and I fell asleep. Mike has really good prayers that get to the point where its like he's sitting here on the Beloved Back Deck with God and me having wine. I like that.

All of that to say, I do not get up every day promising God what I won't do in order to be religious.

I do get up every day and say, "Hey God. What we doing today?"

That's why I'm here

The moon shown through the Palm Tree with the oyster eyes, coconut bra and grass skirt and my feet were propped on the railing of the Beloved Back Deck. Sarah flashed me a smile through the sliding screen doors. Ocean breezes blew over an island finally quiet after the holiday weekend.

"Person to person and man to man," James Taylor sings on my I-Pod, "I'm finally in touch with my long lost friend. Listen to reason and understand and think of me from way back when."

Way back when I was on a pretty relentless climb to prove myself and conquer the world. It was a very public life, being there for everyone all of the time, bought me the fame affirmation I so desperately craved. Invitations came to travel so I got to go most everywhere. Awards followed and my picture was published in lots of things. Money also came and when it does it brings the fear of losing it, the very thing that gives you security makes you afraid being without it.

Of course everything has a cost and I lost lots of time that I should have saved for the people I love and for me. When you're so busy being everyone's friend you get spread so thin and can only go so deep. Everyone said they loved me but I was lonely and unfulfilled. At the end I was sad and tired in some of the coolest and hippest places in the world.

But that was way back when.

Today I'm back in touch with my long lost friend ... me.

Life now is quiet. My love for Sarah is deep. I enjoy my children more as they are seeking to conquer their worlds. The friendships I have are deep and enriching. I'm not a Platinum level frequent flier anymore having slipped all the way down into the Silver category. The most exciting things going on in my life is having lunch with Chelsea today and going to watch Sarah's daughter Madison get inducted into the National Honor Society tonight.

I've always been contemplative but island life has turned me into a sunburned Monk with tanned dreams. I run, I write, I celebrate a daily communion with Sarah and I get excited about Hibiscus blooms. A highlight of every day is baptizing myself in the holy water of the outdoor shower. God  and I have long discussions over wine.


My work is still helping others help themselves and I still have a tendency to overdo it sometimes. I pray for folks more than I ever have and send them all of the good Karma and wishes I can muster. I hold them dear when they can't do it for themselves.

And that's why I'm here.

I had to go through the first part to get here. I'm never going back, who in their right mind would want to? Besides its so easy to like it here when you so like yourself.