Awesome you are!

"Awesome you are," is the first message I see on my Facebook page.

My friend Kyle sent it in the middle of the night. I've done some "coaching" with him as he transforms his life into the things he loves rather what others want him to do.

It's a nice way to start the day.

Clicking over to LinkedIn I enter a conversation I started weeks ago. Every day new folks contribute something and I read this from Tim!

"I can honestly say that I have not seen the injustices that you have seen or done half the good things (You know what they say about good intentions); however, I do believe that you were where you were meant to be at those times and that there is no way on Earth you could experience all that and not be changed."

Blown away I have to sit back!

Something special seems to be happening and I try to give it the space it deserves.

I have many friends and family members going through major life changes. Some transformations are wanted though others were completely uninvited. Babies are born, divorces devastate, jobs trap friends into sustaining without enjoying and God is content to keep quiet.

I make time to send these folks love, support and good Karma. They're family or clients and I'm intensely focused on them. As Tim explains, I'm where I am meant to be at this time and the things I'm experiencing keep changing me."

"You blessed many people by your actions or just by being present," is the next message.

I think we are all either a blessing or a curse to one another.

Blessing requires deliberation and action. We get off our ass and do something for someone while cursing means not giving a damn and we don't do anything. I prefer the blessing activities.

"We all are effected in some way by what we experience, it's what choice we make with those changes that determine how we grow and who we are from that point on," is the last part.

I turn the computer off and prop my feet on the railing of the back deck.

Over the past few years, I've had a hand in friends learning from experiences and making choices to change and grow beyond what they've always known. We've communicated, visited and had prolonged conversations where I was the one who believed in them.

I think more than anything else ... what's most important to us ... is too physically and spiritually have someone who believes in us when we struggle to believe in ourselves. We need someone whose "been there and done that" and will hold our hands in the dark places.

The fact of the matter, you are awesome!

Even awesome people need someone to believe in them when they struggle believing in themselves!

It's okay!

Now is the time for you to embrace how awesome you are!

It begins when you start doing things for you! Like having someone who believes in you!

Like now!

Baggage

Waiting for the luggage, Sarah and the girls are excited to be home. Talking at once ... well except for Maddie who is texting, utterly oblivious they've landed, walked half-a-mile and is now standing among a crowd of people... they're exclaiming the things they did in New York City.

The carousal spits out bags one at a time as travelers jostle into a mini-mob waiting to snatch a giant suitcase or golf bag the instant it rolls down the belt.

We're standing with the more patient people as Laurel and Cassidy argue over who's rolling the bag to the car.

Arms intertwined, Sarah and I are happy to be together again in the "suddenly compact universe of skin and breath and hair."

Cass grabs my UGA tee-shirt pleading because she just turned 7 she's perfectly capable of rolling the big bag by herself.

In the same instant, Laurel machine guns words, immediately overloading me with information which mostly seems aimed at Cassidy's inability to roll luggage without supervision.

Glancing up over her little blond head I spy Fran, staring stoically with folded arms, waiting on bags, standing beside us.

For the first time, I realize I've had two Fran's in my life.

I loved one of them.

She's dead.

"Hello Fran," I say to the other with the confidence of a Congressman telling another lie, "remember Sarah?"

Pauses really can be pregnant and this one was going to be volcanic when it blew!

"Micheal," she says without a smile, arms folded, a morticians face ... and then, "Of course, Sarah," with breath from Antarctica.

Sometimes history occurs in a second.

Sarah holds me tighter, grinning beatifically, and confidently says, "Of course. Fran!" with the slightest hint of "I don't give a shit!"

Fran had been a board member of the organization where we'd both worked. After 30 years in the business I begged for a sabbatical and the board said "No" so the weight of homelessness, AIDS, poverty, despair, really bad Government and hunger did me in.

Such graveyards are full of emotions.

Two large purple and white stripped bags roll passed on the belt and Fran jerks to grab them, as though a Zombie scratching the dirt off a grave and then she's instantly gone.

Cass tackles me ... "See! I can do this!"

And she does.

Well, it tips over four times before we get to the car, but dammit, she did it.

Unlike others I've known and choose to forget.
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The Boy Is On Fire

"Can we walk outside for a moment," he says interrupting me, "you're filling up this room and I need to breath."

I don't know what to say and keep quiet as we walk out on the Beloved Back Deck.

Kyle places his hands on the railing, closes his eyes and takes deep breaths.

I plop in a chair to give him space.

It's a beautiful day with a bright sun, slight ocean breeze and everything is blooming brilliant blues, pinks, reds and whites. 

Taking my shirt off to work on my tan, I toss it on the table and watch him open his eyes and smile at the Palm Tree with the oyster eyes.

"Is that Fran?" he asks pointing at the wall of trees that canopy the privacy fence.

Nodding my head I watch his smile broaden and he turns towards me. He is very tall with long wavy brown hair cascading his shoulders. The flowing white shirt he wears gives the impression he's the ghost of a Shaman because his skin is very pale.

"Whew," he smiles sitting down, "you have so much energy it was overwhelming me and I need more space.

"I'd rather be out here," I shrug.

His smile is beatific and there is a sweetness about the man. Sarah and I had agreed to help him if we could and he was asking for it now.

"So as I was saying, I've done music my whole life. I've never worked a 9-5 job but I got a nice house, food in the Fridge and cable television!"

The way he says it is filled with wonderment and pride so it makes me smile.

"But I want more. I'm tired of the bars. And I have this chance," he explains. "I've been asked to combine my music with speaking in Churches and workshops across several states."

That's why he's here. I'm coaching him on getting his story together, doing it right and building an arsenal of antidotes he can whip out whenever he needs it.

That was a couple of months ago but yesterday I received a message from him on Facebook with a link to his most recent speech.

"The boy is on fire," he wrote.

Clicking the link, I listened to his marvelous story perfectly delivered to a group in Greensville, South Carolina as I sat in the same chair on the same deck without a shirt on perfectly beautiful day.
His speech made me smile. (Check him out at https://soundcloud.com/thespiritcenter/kyle-shiver-sel-realization !)

"The boy has indeed come a very long way in a very short period of time," I wrote him. "I'm proud of you."

And I sat there and kept right on smiling.
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My To-Do List

My list of things to do today.

• Open my eyes. Thank God they opened and I'm given another day.

• Roll over, listen to Sarah breath and watch her sleep and thank God for having her to share this day with.

• Quietly crawl out of bed, sidestep our dog Goddess sleeping on the floor beside the bed and stumble through the dark to the bathroom.

• Sneak down the staircase to the outdoor shower, stand under the hot water and look up at the sky to see exactly what kind of day we've been given.

• Get dressed, give the dogs treats, kiss the top of Sarah's sleeping head and ride my bicycle to the Breakfast Club for coffee served with friendship.

• Open the outdoor office on the Beloved Back deck by 7:30 and get to work.

• Immediately stop whatever I'm doing when the Managing Partner arrives so she is greeted appropriately.

• Return to my office, thank God again for the day and dive back into whatever it is I'm working on.

• Around 10ish, the Managing Partner needs a snack. Again I cease whatever I'm doing to determine if a coffee break is in order. Some days the Managing Partner grabs a snack and immediately returns to her office. A lot of times she lingers wishing to talk. This is a good sign that we will indeed have a break in the Board Room with the bed in it.

• It's back to work after that but everyone in the office is extremely happy about it!

• Soon after noon, I close up the computer and ask the Managing Partner if she wants to have lunch. Coffee breaks give us the munchies so we take an hour for lunch. Often we discuss work but sometimes we remind ourselves to actually buy coffee.

• Around 1:00 we're both back in our offices working on whatever it is and continue through the afternoon.

• Then Sarah's girls get home from school and all Hell breaks loose as it's one big blur of boyfriends, snacks, homework, playing games, singing songs, phone calls, changing clothes repeatedly while demanding to know what's for dinner.

• After dinner, I return to my office to finish up and plan for the next day. Some nights there are classes I teach, orchestrated discussions and lots of social media management.

• Then the work day is over, Sarah's clocked out from being Managing Partner and puts the girls to bed which takes a couple of hours. While she's doing this, I'm sipping wine on the Beloved Back Deck or watching a game on the porch trying to unwind from the day.

• Once the girls are asleep, Sarah and I cuddle on the couch and talk about things. Sometimes she goes back to work but I'm toast by 10ish and am pulling her towards the bedroom.

That's the list of things for me to do today.

I just noticed that tomorrow's list is the exact same as todays.
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Wonder Woman

Apparently Sarah is the only mother who isn't a member of the PTA. She received an email explaining she's the lone hold out and the entire school year is in great jeopardy. Her girls are embarrassed and at risk of being shunned by the children of the mothers who are members of the PTA.

"It's at the same time," she tells me, "that I'm coaching 'Girls on the Run', an afterschool program at the school."

I nod without speaking because I'm now smart enough to keep my mouth shut when she's letting off steam.

"After that," she continues, "I've got to rush to Cheerleading practice, horse riding lessons and the modeling class."

I quietly nod lovingly.

"When I'm not driving or coaching, I'm working. Two books and two more classes before the end of the year and I'm squeezing it in while I wait on the girls."

Suddenly she stops and stares straight at me.

"Are you finished with your edits?"

Shaking my head from side to side, I quickly engage in a brilliant diversionary maneuver.

"So you're going to join the PTA?" I sympathetically ask.

"I suppose," she sighs while I exhale.

"Plus they want us to buy a hundred dollars worth of candy bars to sell. That's in addition to the discount cards we're already selling for the school band ..."

"I sold two more at the Breakfast Club today," I proudly announce.

Sarah looks at me as though I am blabbering, drooling and setting my hair on fire.

"Shit!" I think to myself. "I broke the rule! Keep the damn mouth shut!"

She picks up a book bag that must weigh 300 pounds and easily flips it over her shoulder and I know that she can break me anytime she wants as she yells, "ARE YOU READY FOR SCHOOL?"

One girl is spraying several gallons of hair spray on her head while the other is desperately searching for shoes that match. Both freeze for a second and then explode into a frenzied last minute dash to get ready.

Meanwhile Wonder Woman easily lifts another 300 pound book bag and leans forward to kiss me goodbye while simultaneously shepherding both girls to the car.

She shoots out of the drive way as though someone fired the shot to start the Daytona 500.

I blow her a kiss and marvel at her motherhood.

I have no idea how she's going to both coach "Girls on the Run" and attend PTA meetings at the same time but I have no doubt that Sarah will pull it off.

She's simply amazing that way.

Now, I wonder what I did with the book I'm supposed to be editing.

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My Ministry

"What everyone wants to know," explains the very famous Dr. Jim Withers, "is how you possibly defied the laws of physics and social expectations to live the life that you're living?"

"Hold on," I say into the receiver.

His question constitutes a beer. I walk inside to the fridge and grab one and stroll back to the Beloved back deck and pick the phone back up.

I'd called Jim, the founder of the International Street Medicine Movement, because Dr. Andrew Chapya in Africa had reached out to me for help. After talking about Jim for a few minutes we'd moved on to catching each other up on our personal lives.

"We missed you at the Flotilla," I'd said.

A few years ago I'd convinced Jim he needed a break for the world and there is no better place to leave the real world than Tybee Island.

"Sarah looked good," he replied. "I saw the pictures."

"Yep," I answered, "you should have joined us."

Then he paused and asked me his physics question.

"Beats me," I answered.

"Me too," he replied.

We hung up and I plop down in my chair and prop my bare feet on the railing. My feet are a golden brown, in no small part, because I work mostly naked on the Beloved Back deck everyday. I think about his question.

It is true that I am a technologically advanced minister-at-large with a world wide congregation that never gets together.

My study is my back deck and my secretary is a Palm Tree with oyster eyes, a coconut bra and a grass skirt.

The sanctuary is the beach which was created by God in the first place and, unlike other ministers, I see no reason to try to make improvements on the design.

There is no dress code in this church so there is little pretentiousness that comes with decided what to wear when worshipping God.

Getting here was most interesting and I wouldn't wish the things I've been through on anybody. (That's not true. There are some people I wish it on.) Nevertheless, here I am.

Sipping the beer, I notice how hot it is and decide to go baptize myself.

It's got to be the Seventh Day somewhere.

That's a day of rest.

I give myself the rest of the day off.

It's good work if you can get it.

That's why I'm here

The moon shown through the Palm Tree with the oyster eyes, coconut bra and grass skirt and my feet were propped on the railing of the Beloved Back Deck. Sarah flashed me a smile through the sliding screen doors. Ocean breezes blew over an island finally quiet after the holiday weekend.

"Person to person and man to man," James Taylor sings on my I-Pod, "I'm finally in touch with my long lost friend. Listen to reason and understand and think of me from way back when."

Way back when I was on a pretty relentless climb to prove myself and conquer the world. It was a very public life, being there for everyone all of the time, bought me the fame affirmation I so desperately craved. Invitations came to travel so I got to go most everywhere. Awards followed and my picture was published in lots of things. Money also came and when it does it brings the fear of losing it, the very thing that gives you security makes you afraid being without it.

Of course everything has a cost and I lost lots of time that I should have saved for the people I love and for me. When you're so busy being everyone's friend you get spread so thin and can only go so deep. Everyone said they loved me but I was lonely and unfulfilled. At the end I was sad and tired in some of the coolest and hippest places in the world.

But that was way back when.

Today I'm back in touch with my long lost friend ... me.

Life now is quiet. My love for Sarah is deep. I enjoy my children more as they are seeking to conquer their worlds. The friendships I have are deep and enriching. I'm not a Platinum level frequent flier anymore having slipped all the way down into the Silver category. The most exciting things going on in my life is having lunch with Chelsea today and going to watch Sarah's daughter Madison get inducted into the National Honor Society tonight.

I've always been contemplative but island life has turned me into a sunburned Monk with tanned dreams. I run, I write, I celebrate a daily communion with Sarah and I get excited about Hibiscus blooms. A highlight of every day is baptizing myself in the holy water of the outdoor shower. God  and I have long discussions over wine.


My work is still helping others help themselves and I still have a tendency to overdo it sometimes. I pray for folks more than I ever have and send them all of the good Karma and wishes I can muster. I hold them dear when they can't do it for themselves.

And that's why I'm here.

I had to go through the first part to get here. I'm never going back, who in their right mind would want to? Besides its so easy to like it here when you so like yourself.