Dreaming of a white Christmas?

Santa Claus and Jesus, according to FOX News' Megyn Kelly, are WHITE!

Lots of people are up in arms hearing this news ... especially black, brown, olive, red and yellow skin people ... but Megyn's just reporting the facts as she knows them.

It's not like she's the first person to say stupid shit in public.

The Southern Baptist Convention has proclaimed that Santa and Jesus were white men since the Civil War!

The fact is Santa Claus was from Turkey while Jesus was born in Israel. Both could have been light skinned but naturally tan easily.

Both could have been black skinned too ... with blue eyes!

Who knows?

The Coca Cola marketing department invented what Santa Claus looks like in the 1920s. Before that he was a tall, thin, elf who couldn't make up his mind what color coat to wear.

What Jesus looks like is anybody's guess since the Bible doesn't say one way or the other. BUT, most people living in Israel when he was born weren't white. It's a pretty good bet that he wasn't either.

You know what though, everybody dreams of a white Christmas!

Well ... except for black, brown, olive, red and yellow skin people ... and because I don't want any damn snow, I'm with them in complete solidarity!

The fact is ... "red and yellow, black and white ... all are precious in his sight."

You know why?

Cause Santa, and Jesus too, are red and yellow, black and white.
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What's a normal Christmas?

It's best to be honest, I prefer Christmas in the sand.

I'm not a snow person.

Hell! I'm not a cold weather person either! I detest it when the temperature is below 75.

I prefer Santa wear a bathing suit, mistletoe in Palm Trees, waves breaking on the reef, and stockings hung from the mast!

It's not normal Christmas behavior but then again I've never cared about "normal."

Then again, what is normal Christmas behavior?

If you want to set up a plastic Jesus in a manger, stay inside a church building or shop till you drop as ways of bringing good tidings of comfort and joy, I say "Go for it!"

I'd rather work on my tan, listen to some good tunes and look at Sarah in her bikini! I'd rather sail with Captain Morgan, skinny dip with good friends and cool off in the ocean! I'd rather have seafood pot pie, steamed oysters and hush puppies! I'd rather snuggle with Sarah in a hammock and find our presents under the Palm Tree!

Now that's a Christmas to enjoy!

What's your favorite way to enjoy Christmas?
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My daily blog resumes Monday. Sign up now to receive it at www.meellc.com right under my picture!

You Looking for me?

If you have been looking for me I really appreciate it!

There's been a daily blog for 4 years until a couple of weeks ago.

It was time to shake things up a bit but now I'm back!

Beginning Monday December 16 you can receive my daily blog via email.

It's easy!

Just go to www.meellc.com and register.

Then BOOM!

Laughter, intrigue, spirituality, Guardian Angels, Winston The Little Gay God, the Cat Lady, Conversations with God and political satire delivered straight to your inbox first thing every morning.

Do it now!

Looking forward to Monday.

Register now at www.meellc.com and you won't have to look for me.

I'll be there for you!

Christmas Thoughts

"And so this is Christmas ..."

Unless you're Jewish, Muslim, Druid, just worn out from trying or something else.

Regardless, it's a great time of year!
...
Rush Limbaugh is firing missals of hate at Pope Francis I whose just trying to correct a lot of wrongs.

The great Nelson Mandela has died and there is no consoling those who love humble men who do great and wonderful things.

Caesar consistently proclaims we're in an economic recovery but it's a damn lie but everyone so desperately wants to believe we don't do anything about him and his lying cronies.

But ...

We've put up a Christmas Tree and it's a nice reminder of peace on earth.

Friends hug us though everyone is struggling with depression, divorce, financial insecurity, the impending festive gathering of family who ignore one another the rest of the year.

People I love are hurting, struggling, trying their best to survive as they desperately want to believe that Christmas, love, peace on earth, Karma ... is true. While everything else is falling apart they're dying to hold on to things to believe in.

Charlie Brown leads the charge to remind us that "It's a wonderful life," and there are "Miracles on 34th Street," Grinch's hearts can grow, little boys can drum and Angels can sing ... on television anyway.

Church People are harking heralds for Angels to sing while everyone else waits for the bars to open.

I think these things on a early December day, staring at the lights of a Christmas Tree and my heart is filled with love and hope for all of us. According to the story, Jesus was born in a most shitty time ... just like now.

It can happen again.

At least that's what I believe this Christmas.
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What's your favorite review?

My favorite review of one of my books was in The Western Recorder of all places! The state newspaper for Kentucky Baptists did a review of "Playing Hide and Seek with God" long after I'd ceased being a"Professional Christian" indebted to them for a paycheck.

The review went something like this. "I read the first couple of chapters of this book and got so mad I flung it across the room and stormed outside! After I cooled down I went and picked it back up and finished it. This is not pleasant to read but it's a book we must read."

 How cool is that?

You can see why its my favorite.

I've got a notebook somewhere of all of my book reviews though I could probably find them all online. It's not something I think about though they were fun when the books were published. Other than The Western Recorder, I really don't remember them.

My first book "The Society of Salty Saints" got the most reviews and some woman gave a speech at a missions conference holding it up saying, "we need more Christians like this!" I'd already left the church when she said it and always wondered if she ended up leaving it too.

"Running with the Dolphins" got the next most though I got a lot of mail with that book. Some of it was hate mail! One wrote a letter saying what a lousy person I am and 22 other people signed it with her. I kept the letter and have it stuck in the notebook with the reviews.

Then after eight books in ten years, I stopped writing them.

I turned to social media and began to blog and post notes. The patterns of the way I write remain the same though I was overwhelmed at the instant gratification of feedback. In the old days, I'd wait forever for a review to appear somewhere. Now they're instant!

I also began teaching online classes for writers (www.meellc.com/writingworkshop ) coaching others in unleashing their stories.

Eventually I got around to writing an old fashion book again and relish in the immediacy of readers feedback and reviews!

What's your favorite book review?

How do you get feedback of your writing?

Does it work for you?

My Happy Journey!

Obviously I'm having to wean myself off posting song titles as my daily Facebook status updates.

Even though I said I was stopping, I haven't yet.

I amuse myself too much and occasionally they make others happy too.

People asks, "Micheal, why do you use song titles for your status updates?"

I'll tell you why!

It makes me happy!

Happy is something you can never have enough of and dammit, I want more so I'm going for it!

The other thing I'm still doing is writing everyday and that's going to remain a constant too. We are changing the platform though.

If you want to keep receiving them every day, THAT's GREAT!

Just click to www.meellc.com and look at my picture.

Then stop looking at me and look under my picture though this may prove more difficult than you think because it's a damn fine picture!

You can sign up and there I'll be for your reading pleasure, discomfort, spiritual awakening or the first moment of utter confusion in your day.

It'll be fun.

You may be asking, "Why in the hell is he doing this?"

I'm happy to tell you.

After you sign up.
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A New Journey Begins!

For almost four years I've posted a song title as my status update on Facebook trying to never repeat a title. I immensely enjoy friends responses ... sometimes quoting lyrics, asking questions or searching for hidden messages.

I've also daily posted a blog or Facebook note. This has been enriching as a consistent community of followers was born. You found things to identify with, laugh at or be spurred to debate or discovery.

I went through seismic changes in my life. Suddenly single turned into marvelously married. An empty nest is now full. Countless jaunts to St. Martin dwindled as new destinations emerge. A house became a home. Dead ends are endless possibilities.

Professionally I morphed from successful CEO to full time Beach Bum; international consultant to partnering with my wife Sarah in Micheal Elliott Enterprises "growing hope" for people needing more in their lives through coaching and encouragement.

My 9th book Sandy Bottoms and Duct Taped Hearts is out and the feedback is GREAT!

The 10th, a children's book illustrated by Eddie Woods is being released in a few months. Winston, The Little Gay Dog is a loving look at my family, acceptance in a Judgmental world and being yourself in the end!

Now there are new worlds to explore!

You've followed my changes and accomplishments as I'm pretty transparent about it. It's been cathartic for me and I'm happy you find it encouraging, humorous and useful.

BUT ... All Things Must Pass.

Change blows in the Palm Trees and it's time for them to carry us to new seas!

The daily song titles and postings will soon fade like the setting sun on the Back River.

Replacing them are new opportunities for those seeking inspiration, encouragement, laughter and community!

Like getting married under a full moon on the beach or cliff diving from 45 feet in the Caribbean, it's a little scary but pretty damn exhilarating!  That's how all great things in life start!

So stay with me as this journey!

We're going to have fun!!

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Follow the journey at www.facebook.com/micheal.elliott1 and liking it or at www.meellc.com

The Things I'm not thankful for

The sun shines coldly through the sliding glass doors as I sit at the kitchen table staring outside at Fran's Thousand Shades of Green while sipping coffee. Goddess lays at my feet.

Sarah's awake but still in bed, cozy under the quilts, tapping away on her I-Phone. Winston, The Little Gay Dog, is curled up in a ball beside her.


All is quiet as her girls are away and we're coming down from celebrating a romantic evening at Billy's Place in Savannah last night. It was a long leisurely meal, with a fine pianist in a historic building making us feel we're somewhere in Europe.

The sliding glass door opens and my Guardian Angel floats inside and takes the seat across from me.

She looks good for once. Her long black hair has been washed, her white robe and blue stole is relatively clean and her broken wing has duct tape on it so it's at the same height as the other.

"What's up?" I ask with suspicion.

"Making the rounds before heading to the Heavenly banquet," she cheerily answers. "Not that I want to but the Boss is going to ask what everyone's thankful for and I've got to give a report on assignments ... meaning YOU!"

"HOLY SHIT!" I exclaim. "YOU"RE SOBER!"

She gives me the evil eye which is very disconcerting because Angels shouldn't do such things.

Then again my Guardian Angel drinks beer followed with shots of bourbon, chain smokes, is always dirty and her robe is forever sliding down her shoulder so she comes close to flashing me. She's woken me up drunk out of her mind, showed up unexpected (and unwanted!) in bars I'm in, and is forever flipping me off with her middle finger.

Most Guardian Angels have a hundred people to look after but mine's permanently pissed I'm her full time assignment.

"So," she begins laying her white hands on the table, "what are you thankful for this year?"

"Seriously?" I laugh. "You've got to give a report to God and all the other Angels on what I'm thankful for?"

Her left eye twitches as her fingers impatiently drum the table.

"Alright," I say. "Jesus I don't want to make you mad ... well, let's see ... Sarah of course! She's the best! ... all the kids are healthy ... Moms doing well ... I really like what we're doing at work ..."

Out of nowhere a pen and scroll appear and she jots down the things I'm saying.

"Hey," I say watching her write, "What about the things I'm not thankful for? I want to list those too."

She sighs loudly and a tall boy Pabst Blue Ribbon appears in her left hand. She takes a long draw before looking at me again with the evil eye.

"This cold weather sucks," I begin my non-thankful list. "I hate it. And why in the hell did Aaron Murray's Guardian Angel leave the game early last week? Speaking of which, when did Heaven start getting involved in college football games? Tipping that pass at Auburn was just sinful ... though ... I did like the whole Georgia Southern/Florida thing!"

A cigarette appears in her right hand and she immediately inhales deeply.

"Have there been budget cuts in Heaven?" I continue, "because apparently nobody up there gives a shit about what's going on in Washington. I mean does anybody watch FOX NEWS up there?"

A tumbler of bourbon appears and she shoots it and chases with the beer. Another can appears out of nowhere.

"Then there's Miley Cyrus's new video ..."

My Guardian Angel stands up and says, "Shut up."

I stare at her without speaking.

"You know what," she begins, "Never Mind. I'm going to just start with you are thankful for Sarah and make everything else up. Finish your coffee! I'm out-a-here."

"You gonna lie to God?" I ask and realize the mistake as the words leave my mouth.

The duct tape comes loose and her broken right wind falls to one side. She crushes the beer can and throws it on the floor. Ashes fall on the table from her cigarette.

I sit down and fold my hands between my knees.

She backs away without saying a word, all the time giving me the evil eye. The sliding glass door magically opens and she disappears.

"Are you talking to somebody?" Sarah sleepily yells from the bedroom.

"Ummmm, well ... yes but not really," I tell her.

"Why don't you come back to bed," she suggest.

"Why that's a grand idea," I say standing up. "Give me one second. I need to say a prayer for someone whose going to have  a rough day today. I just hate that for her.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone else!
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Ready for the HoliCRAZE? We will help make it the joy it should be for you! Give yourself a present this year at www.meellc.com/onlineclass

Half Truths or Happiness?

"You're crazy," he said pointing a television camera in my face, "you're one of those people who can talk about anything for 5 minutes."

I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

"Seriously," he pressed, "I could say ... I don't know ... nuclear fusion ... and you'd talk for 5 minutes before I'd realize you're just making shit up."

Jodee Sadowsky stifles a laugh.

We were in Jodee's popular restaurant The Breakfast Club, after hours as I was being interviewed for a PBS documentary on lighthouses and he'd agreed to host it to promote his business. He and his brother Nick were busy prepping for the next day.

"When I make love," I reply without cracking a smile, "I like to split the photons from my neutrons creating a nuclear explosion."

Everyone burst out laughing.

"Even my neighbors are blown away," I continue though the camera is laying on the table as the crew wipe tears of laughter from his eyes.

I've always had a good rapport with the Press.

I speak their language ... half truths and made up shit occasionally dressed in absolute truth.

I learned how to do it in Seminary, somewhere between Hebrew and Greek was "Bullshit."

These days I shy away from such things. "Politics is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings," said Samuel Johnson and I concur.

"The people want pastors, not clergy acting like bureaucrats and Government officials," says Pope Frances I and I agree with him too.

"Whoever controls the media, controls the mind," proclaimed the Prophet Jim Morrison and I think he's right too because there's some crazy people in charge of the news ... any News!!

Politics, "Professional Christianity" and the Media was my life for decades, and though I can still do it all with the best of them, I've ended up in a quieter world.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," is pretty much how I go about things now.

"The world will be saved one neighbor at a time," is how it's put in the Talmud and that's what Sarah and I do for a living.

I like where I am now much more than before. It's a happy place where nothing's made up anymore. Even when sad things happen, they're accepted in love and truth. It is what it is. We love you. And that's the truth.

It's better that way.

Besides, the great interview I did about the Lighthouse ended up on the cutting room floor, though The Breakfast Club was mentioned.
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The Holidays are here? Are you ready to survive them? Join our journey to "Do the Right things for you!" beginning in December by registering at www.meellc.com/onlingclass

The Ingridents for Happiness

Love is rare
Life is strange
Nothing lasts
People change

These lines from a wonderful song, "Old Friend" performed by Michael Feinstein, is beautifully melodious and sang as though one friend talks to another.

They're in a bar after one's relationship falls apart and the other is listening to the sad tale.

Everything sung in the chorus is an absolute truth!

Love comes and goes, bursts into brilliance or burns out slowly, sometimes lingering forever or may abruptly leave. You have to "Make Love", meaning it takes two which is tricky because often it's only one working on it while the other takes advantage. One day you wake up and realize you really are in love or ... you've merely been taken advantage of. Love really is rare.

Life is certainly strange. Just when you think you've figured it out you're jerked in another direction. It's chock full of surprises, unexpected opportunities and tragic things. Sometimes it's funny, boring, hurtful, lonely, or shocking though it has a definite ending that catches us all by surprise. None of us know how much life we have so no one's prepared when it stops.

Nothing last! "All things must pass," sang the Major Prophet George Harrison. Sunrises, sunsets, days, weeks, and years all slip away. Friends don't last, marriages end one way or another, churches go out of business, Governments crumble, the binding in books crack and stars and planets eventually die.

For sure, people change. I'm not who I once was though there's a funny quirk that I  think everyone else should stay the same. We don't! The best of us grow and keep at it right up until we die. Others get stuck even as they long for something different. Change takes courage, the ability to throw caution to the wind and a hearty dose of foolishness. The funny thing is even if we work out hardest to keep everything as it is, people still change.

But ... love ... life ... appreciating what we've got ... the friends we have ... those are the ingredients for happiness.

The trick is mixing them in the right proportions.

The other trick is to keep baking new cakes. You've got to always be mixing and remixing your love, life, accepting what and where you're at, and knowing who your friends are ... or unhappiness grows.

Take a moment now and do an inventory. Who do you love? What's strange about your life? What are the things important to you these days? Who are your friends?

Then throw in pinches of yourself and mix your happiness for today.

And do it again tomorrow!
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There still time to register for "Doing the Right Things for you" my online class that begins in December. Just click to www.meellc.com/onlineclass

"You whore!" Johnny O yells walking into The Breakfast Club.

"What?" I ask sipping my coffee.

"You and Sarah are pimping out Winston, The Little Gay Dog!"

"Yep," I nonchalantly reply. "He's a team player."


It's true that on my Facebook page is a giant picture of Winston, The Little Gay Dog, looking straight at you with really sad eyes, blatantly soliciting.

I had nothing to do with it.

Sarah and the little Son-of-a-bitch came up with the marketing campaign without my input.

I was out on the Beloved Back Deck helping Goddess take her medicinal marijuana for her bad eyes.

"Well, you tell him Uncle Johnny thinks it's a really cute picture."

Johnny O and Winston, The Little Gay Dog, hit it off the first time they met.

Johnny arrived at our house wearing a Toga and the puppy wore a pink fuzzy sweater with the words "There are 3 sides to every love story."

While the rest of us partied away, Toga Johnny and Winston, The Little Gay Dog, had each others back.

( If you need to take a moment and shake the visual out of your head, that's OK.)

Every day Winston, The Little Gay Dog, turns on his rainbow computer and reads whatever crap his Uncle Johnny has posted.

And every day, Uncle Johnny is helping Winston, The Little Gay Dog, make his Christmas list, which now centers around the question, "How many times does Santa come?"

Honestly, the Managing Partner doesn't allow me to have much to do with the Marketing Decisions. Goddess is cut out of the process too. Even Gypsy, the Gender Confused Cat, is locked away as Sarah and Winston, The Little Gay Dog, drive the process.

And I don't know if you've noticed or not but Johnny O is becoming an increasingly recurring character ... right up there with the Cat Lady, The Neighbor who Gardens in her underwear, and my pissed offed Guardian Angel.

I'm not saying anything's going on.

But I'm not saying its not either.
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Just in time for Black Friday! "Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts", my 9th book! Order yours now at www.meellc.com/newbook

What Good Are You?

I remember watching President Kennedy's funeral and Jack Ruby shoot Lee Harvey Oswald.

When Martin Luther King, Jr. was killed my Dad brought home a pamphlet titled "The Three greatest men in History". On the cover was Jesus Christ, Abraham Lincoln and Dr. King.

I can still picture Robert Kennedy lying on the floor in a puddle of blood when he was shot several months later.

Howard Cosell told me John Lennon was murdered as I watched Monday Night Football.

On September 11, I was in the dining room where a television showed the planes crashing into the twin towers trying to calm down mentally ill people who were scared to death they were next.

More than I care to remember, I've witnessed people do cruel things to others with no care at all.

I've seen tsunamis, Hurricanes, Tornados, Flash Floods and all manners of weather kill people.

I've been inside crack houses trying to woo people out, held the hands of men dying from AIDS, was vilified for trying to help the mentally ill and have received enough "Hate Mail" to last the rest of my life.

I've seen all manner of evil ... not just spoken words ... but hideous actions.  

"We didn't start the fire," Billy Joel reminds us.

It's been burning since Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden.

Yet I still believe good always trumps evil, light drives away darkness, kindness is more powerful than cruelty and love reigns supreme.

I believe in Karma and eventually terrible things happen to bad people. Those struggling to do good things are eventually blessed with goodness.

I believe in second chances, Angels and most everyone I meet.

I seen Heaven and I've seen Hell in this life.

I don't believe we wait until death comes to experience either.

Life has an incredible ability to keep making itself over. I'm a much different person than I was a decade ago.  I'm calmer, happier, very much in love, content and at peace with most everything I've done so far.  I've been born again, reincarnated and evolved from what I was before.

I don't care what people say about my beliefs. I've heard it all before anyway. These things are the core of who I am now and I'm sure as hell not going backwards.

No, we didn't start the fire but I can use it for good things or for bad.

I choose good.
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There still time to register for "Doing the Right Things for you" my online class that begins in December. Just click to www.meellc.com/onlineclass

Where are you?

I had a dream last night.

It was crazy AND YOU WERE IN IT!

Sarah and I are standing on a platform ready to board a train. She looks good! Long hair draping her back, tight jeans, a tight sweater make me keep one eye on her while the other searches for the coming train.

Lots of others waiting are focused too so I'm doubly distracted watching them watch her.

I'm anxious and in a hurry to get going and the crowd presses forward as we hear whistle blow.

The train arrives but it's really a roller coaster. Shinny plastic blue cars with a silver lap bar slowed to a stop. For some reason there are three seats in every car.

Sarah steps in the front car and I proceed to follow, the crowd begins to grab my arm pulling me back or sidestepping me to sit next to her. I muscle myself in and a fight breaks out as everyone wants the remaining seat next to us.

A large handsome man with long black hair wearing a vest jumps beside me grinning.

Immediately the cars behind us fill with excited riders and I see you sitting there, smiling, a little scared but ready!

Our necks pop back as the trains lurches forward and we begin a steep climb upwards.

That's where the dream gets funny.

We just continue the upward climb.

There's no mad fall.

You and me are smiling.

We reach our dreams.

I woke up feeling good.

Sarah was sleeping beside me ... looking good.

The large handsome man with long black hair wasn't there.

Neither were you!

Where are you now?
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"Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts" my 9th book is now available. Order yours now at www.meellc.com/newbook

The Day my Life Began

I rarely tell this story, because honestly, it makes me look crazy.

But, here you go ...

It was a wonderful, sunny day on the Caribbean Island of St. Martin. I was alone, standing on the powder white sand of the beach, watching the waves break on the reef.

Taking a deep sigh, I tried to relax for the first time in hours.

I'd been working since 5 a.m. when the sun rose and hadn't stopped until now. It was 1:30 in the afternoon.

Hungry and tired, I needed to eat so I walked back to my tiny studio to get money and clothes and saw my phone buzzing.

Answering, it was the board chair, back in the states, making more demands of me.

He had already proven to be one of my life's major irritants. Regardless of what I did, he thought it wrong and said so. The only language he speaks is "criticism" and boy had he given me lots!

Professionally I was on top of the world, an internationally sought after expert, author, popular speaker and award winning business man.

Personally, I was recently divorced, lived alone with my dog and hated the smell of my plush office because it just made me tired. That's why I was in St. Martin, trying to get away from the sad things in my life.

"You should quit," he said when I answered the phone.

"I resign," I replied and hung up.

And my life started over that day.

Strolling back to the beach with a beer in my hand, I made a promise to myself.

"I will be happy. And I will help others be happy too. I'll do what I want. And I'll help others do what they really want too."

Let me tell you what's happened since then.

I'm married to the love of my life! Our work is helping people enjoys theirs too! We worked hard helping others to build happy lives, doing what they want and ENJOYING what they have.

It works!

Thousands of people follow the stories and are remaking their lives too!

I'm not telling you this to make you think I'm awesome or great but I want you to realize the steps I took from being a very unhappy survivor of life to make it crank now!

If you're ready to have the happy life you want, I am here, willing to pull back the curtain and show you exactly how to get there!

We've turned it into a system that gets you from where you are to where you really want to be in a very short period of time!

But there are some ground rules.

1. I'll be completely honest with you about my shit and expect you to be honest about yours. Honestly saying where you're at and honestly knowing where you want to be is the first steps to happiness. I'm here with you for each step. You got anybody else pledging you honesty?

2. I worked hard to get here. You will have to work hard too. You know the saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." It's the same here. I'm ready to work with you, be your partner and get you there but you have to want it AND in the end YOU HAVE TO DO IT!

Ready to get started?

Let's pull the curtain back and this journey begins! I'll show you how to get where you really want to be at www.meellc.com/onlineclass

Is your life Heaven or Hell?

I think everything mostly works out the way it should.

That's not to say there's not crazy surprises, unexpected turns, scary moments and horrible falls along the way. But there's unanticipated delights, miraculous discoveries, wonderful things and exhilarating heights too.

At least that's my life so far.

It's probably yours too.

When the bad things happen ... deaths or divorce, friends who prove they're really not, car wrecks, broken promises and nightmares of the night ... we're naturally shocked.

Then it turns into anger because we rail against the injustice of life not being perfect!

Because we want perfect lives.

Yet none of us have one.

Though lots of people pretend to.

When good things happen ... love, marriage, friends who are consistently so,  disasters that are near misses, kept promises and dreams that come true ...we are ecstatic!

Then we downplay it.

We minimize the good and exaggerate the bad.

Why are we wired that way?

The other day Johnny O and I are sitting at The Breakfast Club having coffee and he says, "We've got six-and-a-half marriages between us."

I wince because, though it's true, it's not something I care to think about.

I'm the happiest I've ever been though Sarah would often shoot me if she didn't love me so much. Johnny O's the happiest he's been since I've known him, which is a very long time.

"We should start a business together," he continues. "Anybody thinking about getting married should call us first. We'll guide them through it all. I mean ... we've already experienced everything so others should benefit from our experience.  A small fee will save lifetimes of heartache or pave the highway to happy lives like ours!"

I can't think of anything to say.

"One call ... that's all," he says with a beaming smile.

It's hard to not love Johnny O.

"Hope for the best and plan for the worst" is something I used to say.

Now I try to simply take life as it comes. I try to help others do that too.

Taken all at once life can kill you and believe me, I've watched it kill lots of people I cared about.

Life's good and bad. It's not perfect. Concentrating on the bad leaves you dead even if you're still living.

Holding onto the good makes it more enjoyable and I believe life's to be relished because, either way, it doesn't last forever.

Even the worst times have silver linings of good and the best of times always boarder on disaster.

There's Heaven and Hell.

It's just a question of which are you going to hold on to.
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Baggage

Waiting for the luggage, Sarah and the girls are excited to be home. Talking at once ... well except for Maddie who is texting, utterly oblivious they've landed, walked half-a-mile and is now standing among a crowd of people... they're exclaiming the things they did in New York City.

The carousal spits out bags one at a time as travelers jostle into a mini-mob waiting to snatch a giant suitcase or golf bag the instant it rolls down the belt.

We're standing with the more patient people as Laurel and Cassidy argue over who's rolling the bag to the car.

Arms intertwined, Sarah and I are happy to be together again in the "suddenly compact universe of skin and breath and hair."

Cass grabs my UGA tee-shirt pleading because she just turned 7 she's perfectly capable of rolling the big bag by herself.

In the same instant, Laurel machine guns words, immediately overloading me with information which mostly seems aimed at Cassidy's inability to roll luggage without supervision.

Glancing up over her little blond head I spy Fran, staring stoically with folded arms, waiting on bags, standing beside us.

For the first time, I realize I've had two Fran's in my life.

I loved one of them.

She's dead.

"Hello Fran," I say to the other with the confidence of a Congressman telling another lie, "remember Sarah?"

Pauses really can be pregnant and this one was going to be volcanic when it blew!

"Micheal," she says without a smile, arms folded, a morticians face ... and then, "Of course, Sarah," with breath from Antarctica.

Sometimes history occurs in a second.

Sarah holds me tighter, grinning beatifically, and confidently says, "Of course. Fran!" with the slightest hint of "I don't give a shit!"

Fran had been a board member of the organization where we'd both worked. After 30 years in the business I begged for a sabbatical and the board said "No" so the weight of homelessness, AIDS, poverty, despair, really bad Government and hunger did me in.

Such graveyards are full of emotions.

Two large purple and white stripped bags roll passed on the belt and Fran jerks to grab them, as though a Zombie scratching the dirt off a grave and then she's instantly gone.

Cass tackles me ... "See! I can do this!"

And she does.

Well, it tips over four times before we get to the car, but dammit, she did it.

Unlike others I've known and choose to forget.
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The Best Ending Yet

It's time to do new things ... again!

I'm the first to admit making a change, starting over and beginning something from scratch is like betting it all at the roulette table!

There's an impending certainty everything's going to be great as you dance into the Promised Land or your shoulders slump as you drag your feet to the Land of Broken Dreams.

I've started over so many times you'd think it would be as easy as riding a bicycle but it's not.

"What happens if this doesn't work out?" I'm asked.

"Of course it's going to work out," I reply confidently. "It always works out. Everything always works out."

Having said that, I freely admit it never quite works out the way I thought.

Each of my beginnings started with a lump in my throat and wishes that I don't fail or make a fool of myself.

In spite of these doubts, they all worked out great!

"Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith," says Frederick Buechner and I can't agree more.

That's why I know it's going to work out because my ass is itching with doubts. I just know its going to be alright because everything else I've done has been wildly successful, wonderful, inspiring, fulfilling and fucking fun!

Plus, they all had a really great ending!

You know when you go to a play or a movie, the best ones have a really great finale?

Well, the things I've done had tremendous endings ... both professionally and personally! They made you jump out of your seat roaring in laughter while applauding like crazy or ... wiping tears as you slumped in the chair asking yourself unanswerable questions.

The thing about both good beginnings and great endings is you can only do them once. If you try to do them again you're doomed to fail.

That's why most people only do one thing in their life. They're too frightened to risk failure so they settle for the safety of monotony. Painting the house a new color pushes their boundary line of comfort.

"I don't know Margaret. The house has always been blue. I think it would shock people to paint it red."

So they keep everything the same.

Or, as my friend Rodger Pack once said, "Mike, I want you to meet my next ex-wife!"

I loved Rodger. He had tremendous endings too but it never stopped him from new beginnings.

Anyway, I've got lots of new stuff going on in my life. Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts is my newest book. Next month I'm teaching a new class "Doing what's Right for you". Both are just in time for Christmas! The book is great gift for others and the class is a terrific present to yourself!

We're also celebrating the Holidays in whole new ways, remaking a company, redoing the house and picking new places to visit. We've made new friends, read new books and find new ways to do most everything.

"Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you shall find. Knock, and it will be opened to you."

That's the thing. Most don't ask, never seek and certainly don't knock so everything stays the same.

Not me!

I'm well slid into the later part of my life and have tons to still accomplish!

"There's too much to see, waiting in front of me that I know I just can't go wrong," is how Jimmy Buffett puts it.

That's what I know with everything inside of me.

Plus, this is going to be the best ending yet!
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How Different are you?

At the beach, life is different.

Most can only take "different" in small doses, going to the beach for a weekend or a week or two.

They have to manage being "different" while the rest of us embrace it as a complete and total lifestyle.

The beach is a world of extremes.

There's too much contemplation and too many opportunities to have fun.

Living here means you swing both of those ways because you can overdose on too much of either.

As my friend Jane Fishman told me, "On an island everybody is either running to, or from, something."

Plus there's lots of water ... and lots of alcohol.

Both are used for baptisms.

Life moves slower, probably because we're constantly confused about which way we're heading ... contemplation or fun ... to someone or from ... seeking forgiveness or just diving back in for more sins ... sunrise or sunset?

I've got friends on both sides.

The contemplative ones are all involved with the Government, passing laws, making policies and forever sprucing up Paradise.

The fun ones only notice when one of the Government's numerous employees ... policemen and policy enforcers ... pull them over to arrest us, give our dogs a ticket or issue a "Stop Work" order.

I try to slide under both radars, strolling with the dogs and a little Blessing or two, by the Back River, inhaling the smell of the Marsh, listening to the Mussels tick and pop in the mud which naturally makes you think about sex.

It's a different way to live.

My Mom will be the first to tell you I've always been different.

I've been much happier once I accepted it.

I feel really bad for those who haven't and are still trying to fit in.

Which are you?

I want to know who to say prayers for tonight.
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How will you enjoy today?

Sometimes you simply sit and stare.

Inside but somehow outside of yourself.


Staring through the open sliding glass doors at a glorious sun illuminating the water dripping from the trees, I'm just thinking.

There are no words ... just thoughts and emotions.

I'm focused on people I love.

Sarah tells me I love everybody, meaning it critically and as a warning. You're not supposed to love everybody because they screw you in the end and that's true of lots of people.

And I've certainly been screwed ... and it hurt ... and they left not giving a damn ... blaming me somehow ... and those I thought cared didn't ... and I was shocked at who did!

But the truth of the matter is I'm a Daydream believer.

I imagine and don't think I'm the only one.

I'm a fool, for Christ's sake, but there's wisdom in there somewhere if we really are Daydream believers, meaning we're honored and dishonored in life.

I've certainly been both.

But that's life! It's what you do with it that matters most.

God made life, gave it to us and now it's ours to do with what we want.

Or to not do anything with it.

Sarah's away visiting her parents in New York so everything is a bit out of sorts. The dogs understand somehow because they follow me closely whenever I move. The house is too quiet. It's just a house when she's not here. I'll be glad when she gets home though I'm glad she and the girls are having a good time.

Johnny O interrupts these thoughts with a barrage of text messages. He's asking about my son Jeremy though it quickly dissolves into really bad humor that has me roaring in laughter.

Ah, it's a good day to do good things, as my friend Dicky Trotter says.

I'm going to enjoy it.

I hope you enjoy yours too.
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A Repulsively Erotic Morning

Every single night, Winston, the Little Gay Dog (TLGD), prances into our bed room, lithely jumps on the bed and snuggles next to Sarah, fur touching skin.

It's repulsively erotic.

After licking himself, he balls up beside her bare back, falls asleep and purrs like a Pussy Cat.

Goddess sleeps on the floor in the doorway protecting us from whatever she fears may come in the night. She snores loudly and Winston, TLGD, ever-the-Diva, snarls with his eyes closed but Goddess could care less.

She's stoned.

Sarah can sleep through nuclear explosions, unless one of her girls whimpers or rolls over, then she bolts upright while some radar sensors beam through walls making certain her "little Blessings" are alright before immediately falling back into a deep sleep.

On the other hand, I could fall out of bed, hit the floor, burst into spontaneous combusted flames and she wouldn't even roll over.

That's our nights.

Every night.

Winston, TLGD, typically is staring at me when I open my eyes and the little Son-of-a-Bitch, and I mean that literally, yawns in my face.

He's having another of his "Cher" moments.

So I reach into the dresser Drawer, pull out the baggie with his balls inside and wave them in front of his face.

Sarah moans so I quickly put them back in the drawer.

Goddess is wide awake now wanting a snack.

Throwing Winston, TLGD, out of bed I snuggle with my wife.

He snarls.

I flip him the finger and snuggle Sarah tighter.

He licks himself then puts on a black sweater vest with pink words that read, "U R Why I Am GAY."

He smiles and prances away.

That's pretty much our wake up routine every day.

It's repulsively erotic.

What's your wake up routine?
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Interested in more deep, inspiring writing? Check out  my new book "Sandy Bottoms & Duct Taped Hearts" at www.meellc.com/newbook