In Trouble Again

I have learned that simply by being an innocent by-stander, I can get in trouble. Living with my wife who I love, three little girls, Goddess (who can be a bitch) and Winston, the little gay dog ... I find myself in trouble with somebody for doing ... nothing. I have a long history of being in trouble but rarely was because I didn't do anything. Most of the time it was BECAUSE I'd done something. Like when Gene Prevatt, Rober Mixon and I stole all of the fire extinguishers from the Port Wentworth Elementary School. We took them to the old mill in the woods and played WAR. We all had a fabulous time ... until the police showed up at my house ... during dinner. That didn't go well. In college, I also stole a bunch of fire extinguishers and led an attack on the Dorm next to ours. Being the commander of the battle, I wanted to take their leadership out first so went straight to the Resident Managers apartment and knocked on the door. When Guy Sayles opened it, I sprayed him down. That's how we met. After that I swore off fire extinguishers. In Seminary, I broke into the "Billy Graham" Museum in the library where the Baptists had a life size mannequin of Billy wearing a three-piece brown suit, smiling and looking like he getting ready to shake somebody's hand. So I undid the belt, dropped Billy's pants to discover that he wasn't wearing any underwear. I have profound respect and admiration for Billy Graham and have tried to model my life after his example. I never did pull his pants back up so the next day when the Libarians arrived they were shocked. My name was mentioned and I made the first of many trips to Dean Ann Davis's office. She was not pleased. And I learned that Baptist believe in hidden cameras to protect their buildings and such. Baptist love buildings way more than they love people. I could go on but you see the point. I am accustomed to getting into trouble for actually doing something. Somehow I have broken through the barrier of getting into trouble for not doing anything. What do you do? The philosophy that I gave to my children and am now trying to teach the girls is ... deny everything. "It wasn't me," as Shaggy taught us. So what do I do? I'm in trouble again but this time for NOT doing anything! It just goes to show ... no matter where you go ... there you are.