WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HODAD??
Hodad, affectionately known as HO to his friends, unexpectedly resigned from the Police Department. By far the island's nicest officer everyone is aghast and asking, "What happened?"
The answer is evidently personal terrorism initiated by one of the numerous cells on the island, this one operating on the corner of 13th and Butler Avenue.
If this isn't enough, our neighbor Art has suddenly turned into a Bible scholar which is very scary shit!
"What's Lot's wife name?"
He quizzes me as Sarah and I walk the dogs.
"Beats me," I reply.
"You are correct," he says.
"Now let me ask you a more difficult question," he presses. "When God sent Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden and they had Cain, then Cain got married ... where did his wife come from?"
"Beats me," I answer.
"Me too," he says.
Sarah pulls me away before Art can ask another question.
This is weird!
Vandalism is a regular method of paying it forward on the island and I understand Johnny O and Judy O's porch chairs were recently accosted by a giant fly swatter. Every afternoon they have "Whine and Cheese" on the porch though I hear Judy O now refuses to sit in her chair and whines about having to stand to sip her wine.
People are being ticketed for driving on Lewis Avenue which has a speed bump every ten feet. I can't figure out how you can break the 25 MPH speed limit in 10 feet but it's apparently happening and the Hodad-less Police Department is all over it!
Plus it's election season and there's nothing stranger than politicians.
SpongeBob Squarepants is back on the island filming a movie, transforming the parking lot down front into a garden and planting Palm Trees on the Pier.
There's a full moon but no Full Moon Party at Marlin Monroe's which is how Sarah and I celebrate our anniversary every month so we're confused on what exactly we're supposed to do.
I already miss tourists season.
As long as tourists are here we feast on them.
But they're gone and the only thing we have to feast on is each other.
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