Certainly his first thoughts were, "CHRIST THIS HURTS! WHO DESERVES THIS? HOLY CRAP THIS HURTS! GOD! WHERE ARE YOU? DAMMIT!"
Then he catches his breath, looks at his Mom crying there below. Mary Magdalene is holding his Mom with the punk John who loved him so much hovers over both.
Roman soldiers laugh as they sell off his clothes leaving him hanging there naked, alone and forsaken. It's hotter than hell. It is hell.
Then I wonder if his mind meanders to "butterflies and zebras ... and moonbeams and fairy tails ..."I wonder.
I mean it's Jesus.
He knew about Jimi Hendrix way before Jimi Hendrix knew about Jimi Hendrix.
And when I'm crucified, I' d much prefer to think about nicer things ... happy things ... things that aren't painful and make me smile.
Is Mary Magdalene walking through the clouds? Cause when he's sad she comes to him.
"Please God! Let her come to me. This hurts and I'm dying."
"It's alright," she says. "It's alright."
It could have happened that way.
God only knows.
Crucifixions come in everybody's lives. Don't believe for a second Jesus being nailed to a cross was a one time thing. That's why there were others on either side of him.
They've certainly come in my life.
Senseless deaths, mindless betrayals, abandonment and excruciating loss left me hanging. My children needing money I didn't have, friends made promises they didn't keep and a God who loves silence left me naked and exposed. Laughed at by many. Forgotten by most.
And I was left to wonder.
"What did I do?" I justified. "I gave my everything! They took it all! God! Dammit! Where are you?"
I was left hanging, hurting and close to dying several times.
Until one day ... lost and lonely ... out of my mind ... suddenly there were butterflies and zebras ... moonbeams and fairy tails ...
Then she came down, walking through the clouds, with a thousand smiles that she gave me for free.
"Take anything you want from me," she said. "Anything at all."
Love comes when it's least expected though most wanted.
Mary Magdalene was the first one at the tomb after Jesus was buried, so distraught, sobbing and lost, going through her own crucifixion that she didn't even recognized Jesus when he spoke.
She thought he was the gardener.
It was the same for me except in reverse.
Out of the clouds, from nowhere really, Sarah came with her circus smile and where it was dark, dying was suddenly butterflies and zebras ... moonbeams and fairy tails.
It's what the resurrection is really like.
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Interested in more? My newest book "Sandy Bottoms and Duct Taped Hearts" is available for pre-order now at http://www.meellc.com/wordpress/newbook/.
