Today at Bar Church there will be several key elements of worship.
First, the band's doing Joan Osborn's "What if God were one of us. Just a slob like one of us ..." This is a great song for any church service and God finally told Samuel Adams to tell the rest of us so we are. Pretty Cool!
Second, there will be a special prayer service for Tim Tebow who was crucified last night. There is no doubt that he'll be raised from the dead but there is serious speculation on if he will still be able to walk on water, heal lepers or turn wine into Gator-Aid.
"Prayer Requests" follow where people call out the names of people they love and are concerned about. I will call the name of "Stacy Jennings" ... whom I pray did not do herself serious bodily damage at the end of the Saints game yesterday ... or kill Skip ... or anybody else who may have been nearby.
The band's doing a lot of lame Happy Jack Praise Songs but I'll be on the back row playing guitar, standing beside Sean on Bass and Davy on drums. What is significant about this is Sarah will be on the front row singing wearing tight jeans as she sings. GLORY!
Then it will be time for another BAR CHURCH FIRST!
We will be ordaining Joe.
This is funny because Joe used to be a minister. The guy can yell HEAL! better than anybody I know. He has also mastered saying the name Jesus in four syllables ... JA-HEE-SAS-AH! He also looks like Fabio with shoulder length blond hair, bulging biceps, and plaid shorts with a black tee shirt.
The reason Bar Church is ordaining Joe, who used to be a minister but is not now, is because the Church of God kicked him out.
He had the audacity to get a divorce.
Scandalous stuff in the Church of God which believes in speaking in tongues, picking up live snakes to prove how much faith you really have and that marriage is life without parole.
At Bar Church, we believe that everybody screws up but God says, "Hey. It's okay. You did your best. Try to do it better next time."
We also believe that people who screw up should hang around one another. So we gather and that's important. It's not what you wear, where you sit or if you smoke. Flip-flops are welcome ... so are nose rings, various colored hair, cleavage, pirates, Bar-Flies, Politicians, bankers and other known evil doers (OK, we've never had a banker attend. Shirley Sessions has attended when she was in office but they threw her out after she came to Bar Church.)
We also serve breakfast, not making the assumption that anyone has eaten, will eat, or rush out to a restaurant to beat the frozen chosen from other churches.
Anyway, we're going to ordain Joe.
It's kind of like re-gifting him to God.
Then we'll play this really lame Happy Jack Praise Music with a really good back beat.
I don't mind though. I'll be on the back row. Sarah's wearing jeans.
GLORY!
