So, I go to Chicago, hang around brilliant people, come home with a brilliant idea, work the emails and the cell phone, checking it out and setting it up. It is going to change the world. We all know it and spent today reaffirming it. We know. World changing stuff but at 8:45 p.m....I am home and alone.
Goddess has gotten a lot of love but she is loved out.
It seems that a lot of people are that way. I guess that love isn't everything that it used to be.
I don't know.
I've spent a career doing global love and I did it very well. I've got a lot of awards to show for it, but the problem with awards is that after a while you don't know what to do with them. Some are in the closet. Most are in storage at my Mom's house. Sooner or later she'll want me to come and get them and I don't know what to do with them. I have no more wall space.
When Mom retired, she had broken like every glass barrier that a woman in the south could break. So she had a lot of awards too. My Dad took care of it for her. He sold them all to a re-cycle awards place. She was furious, but didn't have to worry about what to do with all of those plaques and things.
Knowing Dad, he kept the money.
Anyway, I am an award winning global lover. At the individual level, I don't seem to be all that much.
Let me rephrase that. I am a GREAT lover. But things haven't worked out like I thought.
I wouldn't trade my experiences or the relationships that I've had. Sometimes people come in your life at the right time and the right things happen but it doesn't last beyond what it was supposed to. At least that is how I choose to look at it.
The passion, depth and intensity were all there in the relationships that I've had. In the beginning, love is the "suddenly compact universe of skin and teeth and hair" to quote Bruce Cockburn. They grew beyond that of course and deep abiding friendship came. And it was good. But it ended just like life one day ends.
It can be boring being alone sometime. Television is boring. I finished the book that I was reading and don't feel motivated to start a new one. Maybe I'm just spent from going and coming to Chicago in 34 hours.
So I grab my I-pod and a glass and go to my beloved back deck to talk to my friends the stars. Goddess decides to join me. A light summer breeze is blowing and I prop my feet on the railing.
Of course every song that plays on my shuffle is a love song! I laugh at the irony. Sometimes life is funny that way.
I stare at the stars. I know that I am getting ready for a lot of new things in my life. I have the gift of this particular time when I can think and write and talk to only the people that I want. New endeavors are just around the horizon and everyone tells me how wildly successful it is going to be. The past is becoming only other stories to tell as I look forward to the things that are next.
Yet as I sit there, the thing that I am most looking forward to the most, is receiving the kinds of rewards that I did for global love with that one person who is just for me.
