I was left behind yesterday when the Rapture took place.
In fact, I hosted a Left Behind party last night at my house. I invited all of my friends who were bound to be left behind. This is not to say that this collection of people are not good, nice, or don’t believe in God.
They are just likely people to be left behind.
(John and Judy)2 were there (Johnny O and Judy an O Johnny and the other Judy). Ohio Bob and Margaret came and brought that a strobe light. Rebekah brought burgundy hair. Dedra brought religion.
Artie, who was clean shaven, brought Wanda. Artie only shaves if he has to go to town or gets laid. Wanda brought cookies so it was apparent that Artie had been to town to buy them.
Sandy and Dave were there and brought 100% Peach Cider. Rocky brought a glass of clear liquid. Somebody left a bag of clothes on my bed.
Whitley and Cheryl rode drunken bicycles but were late. Naturally we assumed that they had been raptured which led to speculation that God had lost her mind.
Esther brought wine and if you’re going to be left behind then you definitely need wine.
Phil, Katy and Gloria were really raptured and never showed at all. I did see Phil this morning and he looked like hell. Rapture is evidently not everything that it’s cracked up to be.
Roma didn’t come either. Apparently she was busy telling God who to take and who had no business in heaven. The Tybee City Manager got a “Do not pass go” card to hell.
Dedra just got a phone call from Denise her sister who was left behind too.
Goddess was also left behind. I’m a little taken aback by this as Goddess is the most pure creature that I’ve ever encountered. She seems ok with it though lying there in front of the fan peacefully sleeping.
The entire staff of the Breakfast Club was left behind as were all of the people standing in line to get inside.
The entire Tybee Island Police Department was left behind as was the entire staff of Fannie-On-The-Beach.
The entire congregations of the Tybee Island Baptist Church, Catholic Church, Episcopal Church and Methodist Church were left behind.
I went to the Wind Rose Café and every single member of Bar Church is missing.
So I took a walk on the beach. The dolphins were left behind. Fran and her thousand shades of green are still here. The sun is dancing on the ocean and exudes happiness and joy. There are lots of girls in bikinis who were left behind and I whisper a prayer of Thanksgiving for this. Shirley was apparently raptured but the sad little holy dock remains. The beloved back deck withstood the weight of the Left Behind crowd that stood on it last night.
It is a celebratory day as far as I’m concerned.
OK I need to call my Mom.
I pray that she was left behind too.
