The Suck Ass Bar Church Band

"The Suck Ass Band is here," I say hauling the equipment into the Nursing Home.

"I see," he smirks. "I'll be there."

It gives me pause.

He hates us and doesn't mind saying so.

"Your music sucks," he snarls from his Wheelchair. "Do you know any Def Leppard?"

Representing Bar Church we mostly do Hymns, Rock with Religion and occasionally things like "Dead Skunk In The Middle of the Road" which the inmates love.

If you don't believe residents of Nursing Homes consider themselves "Inmates" ... just ask them.

It's a crazy show because the Nurses who believe they can sing ... which they can't ... take over the microphones to screech in the name of Jesus ... beat the Hell out of the Tambourines we brought ...and further torture the Inmates.

Lona and I sit back holding our guitar, wishing we could sing instead of the uniformed guards performing for Jesus when we watch him wheel back in to hand me an envelope.

"You suck," he says to the singing Nurses.

Opening the envelop, it's a Polaroid of "Woodstock".

Kneeling down during the screeching for Jesus, I ask, "You were there?"

"I took the picture," he replies, "that's why I'm not in it."

"That sucks," I say in marvel.

"You damn right it does" he snaps.

"What was your favorite part," I ask.

"Getting on the stage," he smiles.

"NO WAY," I challenge in disbelief.

"I could have stolen a lot of stuff," he wistfully says.

"Can I take a picture of your picture?" I ask.

"Yeah," he says proudly.

"Can I post it on the Internet?"

"Hell yeah," he says.

I take a picture of his picture.

"I gotta go," he says turning his Wheelchair and grabbing the envelope. "They suck."

"They do," I agree.

He winks and says, "See you next week."

And that's an example of the ministry of Bar Church.

AAARRRGGG-MEN!

Tybee Island's Newest Phallic Symbol

Tybee Island, where we live, has a new Phallic Symbol.

You'd think the Lighthouse is enough but not on this crazy island where elected officials decide to spend taxpayer money to NOT fix problems.

Instead we have raised another flag.

Politicians raise flags when can't get anything else up.

This is not a gender specific statement and refers to both local and national elected officials.

The truth is we already have lots of flags on island.

There's the "Park of the Seven Flags" which isn't really a park ... it's more like a quaint sitting area surrounded by a heavily congested traffic circle with an Arby's, abandoned building, abandoned art gallery, a new High End Asian carry out and a Convenient Store.

But it does have seven flags ... one of which ... is the American one.

Making your way North on Butler Ave., the main drag, you see a large American flag flying atop the "Hotel Tybee" ... another at "Stingrays Seafood" ... and one across the street at the Pakistani owned hotel.

Down the road in front of the infamous Youman-Solomoms Gymnasium ... named after Tybee Elected Officials honored by other Elected Officials  because nobody except Elected Officials honor Elected Officials ... is the World War II Monument with ... yep ... an American Flag.

Honestly the island almost already has as many American Flags as it does Stop Signs.

Tybee Island has more Stop Signs per square inch than any place in known Universe ... including New York, Beijing, Hong Kong and Los Angelis.

Rather than having a plan for most anything ... such as parking, the overabundance of yellow curbs established by previous lack-of-leaderships, a Nazi like Police Department, more Life Guards patrolling the beach at lighting speed in gasoline powered engines than ... anywhere! ... local Government decides such minor issues are best handled by ... raising another flag.

This one flies just as you cross the Lazaretto Creek Bridge onto the island.

 Whereas once ... you're overwhelmed by the place as God created it ... lush green marsh to the right ... the ocean to the left ... Tybee's Lighthouse straight ahead ... now obstructed by another flag because politicians wants to leave something behind as a testimony ... to themselves.

Obviously it irks me.

Primarily because there's already an American Flag greeting every visitor to the island.

The Government's not involved.

Someone wades into the marsh on the Tybee Road every year to raise an American Flag affixed to a Cyprus Tree.

They pay for it themselves.

They do all the work.

It's a far better expression of love for our country ... and a much better display of it ... than the sanctimony of Government.

But on this crazy clump of sand our Elected Officials believe they can do better.