It’s not a big deal.
Just the price for still being here, I suppose.
I’ve always been an early riser, morning kind of guy anyway.
My day starts late at night just after falling into deep sleep, my stomach gurgles, queasiness hits hard and leaping out of bed, I rush to the bathroom. Directly after I shower, I quickly dress because I already have to go to again.
I rush to the other bathroom, then into the living room where I sit as long as I can before returning to the bathroom.
That’s pretty much the rest of the night until about an hour after the sun rises.
I try to be quiet so Sarah can sleep.
She tells me I fail.
I keep trying anyway.
She so needs the rest.
Some nights though, magic happens.
“Da!” a tiny voice calls out in the darkness.
Rushing to her room, desperately trying not to drag my feet across hard wood floors because the girls say I wake them up, I find our little girl.
Most nights, I give her something to drink, kiss her forehead and she immediately drifts back to sleep.
On other nights she says she’s scared so I do my best to calm her down and, when all else fails, let her watch TV if she promises to stay in bed.
If she sees I’m already dressed she follows me into the living room where she snuggles beside me. We talk softly, play games, watch videos, TikTok and enjoy the dawn of a new day, even with my constant disruptions to run to the bathroom.
Lately, Che’s perfected knowing exactly when my stomach first gurgles her eyes are to open.
By the time I’m in the shower, she’s at the foot of our bed saying, “Mom! I slept all night! Time to get up.”
Sarah sleepily tries to get Che to crawl in bed but when I open the bathroom door, our daughter delightfully screams, “SURPRISE DAD!”
I can’t help but giggle.
Shoving her ahead of me, we rush into the kitchen while Sarah fights to reclaim sleep.
In the middle of often incredibly difficult and undignified living, there are surprising delights, kicking cracks in the darkness we live in so the light gets inside.
And some nights, like this one, Sarah gets to sleep after I get up and Che slumbers through the night.
I get scared sometimes.
Who wouldn’t?
Then, in spite of how difficult and undignified I am, I sneak into the darkness to make certain Sarah’s sleeping.
Then I creep into Che’s room.
Sometimes you just have to make sure.
Especially, when it’s what gets you through the night.
Every night these days.
.
