Why is it that we do things that we really don't want to do? Be with people we really don't care for? Go to things that we prefer to stay away from? Make stupid mistakes which of course come back to bite? Wash ourselves in guilt when we've hurt those we love? Lock away what we really feel rather than share it openly?
It's all human nature I suppose. The way God made us ... how our parents raised ... how we make ourselves.
Somber things to ponder on a beautiful Sunday morning with it's lite ocean breeze dancing in the leaves hanging over the beloved back deck. The sun is behind the Palm tree with the smiling oyster face, coconut bra and grass skirt peeking into my eyes as I sip coffee. The Indigo Girls are singing softly in the background.
It is a weekend full of friends and love, bigheartedness, serious conversations, some confrontations, bad behavior and wonderful tenderness. All that life has to offer crammed into forty-eight hours.
Then it's Monday and life starts over again.
Many years ago, Chelsea my daughter crawled into my lap crying and said, "Daddy why can't it be like it used to be?"
I was living in a Cottage because her mother and I were on our way to living separate lives. It was a traumatic time for us. I didn't have an answer to her question. All of these many years later I still don't.
Because you can't.
Every day we are shaped and molded by our past, current environment and future possibilities. We make choices, most of which are good and then some not so good. But on every single day ... things are never like they used to be. Nor will they ever again.
If we're lucky we have people in our lives who support us through these transitions. I learned that it is always incredibly shocking to learn who these people are ... you think you do but you don't. It is like going through life with one eyee open and one eye closed.
The trick is to open both of our eyes at once and force ourselves to keep them open and see life as it really is. Embrace who we love with everything in us ... or that it is time to embark on a new journey in relationships. You can't do either halfheartedly ... it's all or nothing.
So this morning I am praying I guess. To keep both of my eyes open, love the ones I love with everything in me, do much more good than the bad that I stumble into, to celebrate the joys that present themselves to be and live this life to the best of my ability.
