On Tybee Island we use bicycles a lot. The island isn’t all that big and the traffic this time of year is horrible. The parking lots are full so even with the Tybee sticker on our windshield that allows us to park for free we end up just riding around looking for some place to use it so most of us just use our bikes.
Most of us have regular bicycles that you peddle. Not Johnny O. He has one that has an engine and he doesn’t have to peddle. Johnny O is not a big believer in exercise.
Once, my friend Conner told me a story that relates. The company that he works for held a meeting that everyone had to attend. In an effort to improve the health care of the employees the folks in the corporate office wanted them to exercise. So they gave a speech about it and passed out odometers.
“We want everyone to walk and run. The odometers will allow you to keep up with your distance. Each week, everyone will report their distance and each month those who’ve done the most will be given cash awards.”
It was a great idea.
Typical Conner decided to do it his way. Every day after work, he grabbed his odometer and a rubber band and went to the bar. After ordering a Coors Light, he used the rubber band to attach the odometer to the beer. Every time he picked it up to take a drink it registered the distance. He did this throughout the night. Every night!
At the end of the month Conner was awarded a first prize cash award which he used, of course, to buy more Coors Light.
It’s hard not to love Conner.
But I digress (though Conner does fit in really well on Tybee).
Recently at the daily Bored Meeting, so called because we have been accused of being Boring, O Johnny showed up and his arms were all scratched, bruised and bloody. (Just so everyone knows, O Johnny is different from Johnny O. O Johnny actually works. For the federal government no less! And he peddles his own bicycle.)
“What happened to you?” several of us asked at the same time when he peddled up to join us.
‘This is what happens when bicycles get drunk,” he explained.
Everyone nodded their heads because no further explanation. It seems that everyone has a bicycle that drinks.
Tonight at the city council meeting a lot of locals are going to show up to express their support of the Tybee Island Police Department, all of whom were fired or placed on administrative leave recently for using Tassers on people.
I’m not going. I do not believe that Johnny O is either. Or O Johnny. Roma is going but she is old.
The reason we’re not is because of one of the numerous other controversial issues surrounding the Tybee Island Police Department. Last summer they began ticketing people for riding around on drunken bicycles. Talk about blaming the victim!
OK, I gotta go and hose down my bike with cold water. It’s almost time for the Bored meeting and it didn’t come home until like 2:00 last night.
It woke me up slamming into the screen door when it came in to park itself after I’d fallen asleep studying my Sunday School lesson.
