"Micheal we're really thinking about moving to Tybee Island and read everything you write to gain a better understanding of what life's really like there. We've visited several times and marvel at the beauty of the Back River, the smell of the Marsh, the beautiful beach, excellent night life, a healthy competition between the churches and wonderful food.
But, we know everything has a dark side ... even a beautiful place like Tybee. Should we pull the trigger and purchase one of the several thousand homes currently for sale?
What should be frightened of?"
Rather than write everyone individually, I'll use this public forum to describe the "THE TEN MOST DANGEROUS THINGS ABOUT LIVING ON TYBEE ISLAND!"
Driving through Savannah to get here: There's a 50% chance bullets will be flying around your car as you make your way ... doesn't matter if you take Bay, Liberty, Victory, 37th or the little secret shortcut I can't talk about.
The good news is shooters rarely hit their targets, unless you come in July. The odds go way up in July.
Premature Intoxication: Everybody wants a drink after successfully surviving the drive from Savannah! You have to be careful because of the salt air, abundance of drinking establishments, girls in bikinis, Tropical rhythms and ... running into Shirley Sessions with her one word vocabulary of "FABULOUS!" ... which is just another cause to celebrate.
Unfortunately "Premature Intoxication" is an all too common occurrence on the island. If you want to witness it firsthand, attend a City Council meeting and watch the audience and 1/3 of the elected officials.
You have a 76.2% chance of being ticketed for something or another: Tybee has one of the best paramilitary police forces in THE WORLD!
Unleash this force in Afghanistan or against ISIS anytime of day ... other than 11:30 am to 12:30 pm ... and our Police Department will have everyone convicted, tried and arrested in mere moments. THEY ARE THE BEST at keeping order having crushed countless oranges and activities by other peoples of color!
Except at lunch time when they're all eating at Sundae Café.
Mallory Pierce doing a caricature of you: This popular island character once got in a hot tub with Jane Fonda, teaches college classes, was repeatedly elected to City Council and single handedly integrated Tybee.
But he thinks he can draw.
Then he'll want a beer.
Be careful!
Road rage when looking for parking at IGA, the Liquor Store and when you get stuck behind the tourist driving 35 miles/per/hour on the Tybee Road (either coming or going):
Inevitably ... you are in a hurry to get on island and start enjoying or ... you have to get off island fast because your Grandmother's having a heart attack!
It doesn't matter because either way you're be behind a Tourist enjoying the beauty of the Marsh at 35 miles/per/hour or "Georgia Rolling Thunder" is to going to pull you over.
So calculate at least one additional hour of driving time to get onto Tybee and 3 additional hours to say bye to Grandma.
Roma Rage: This is completely different from road rage if you drive the wrong way down front or ride a bicycle on the sidewalk.
A sweet, Grandmotherly, former school teach is going to kick your ass!
You need to know.
Pay attention to the sign in front of City Hall: Most people stare at the ocean or are looking for their rentals and miss important messages like ...
"Drive Safe: We're going to pull you over anyway!" ...
"Parking Strictly Enforced 8 am to 8 pm: But you'll still get a ticket!" ... and of course,
"Family Friendly Community! Unless you have a disability!"
The Methodist Church: Their motto is "We have crime scene tape and we're not afraid to use it in the glory of God!"
Just trust me here ... they're not.
Jelly Fish in August: Tybee closes the ocean every August because of some long term rental agreement the City Manger reached with vacationing Jelly Fish.
If you try to share it with them ... you will get stung ... then you're get arrested ... and then ...
Tybee Court: "Pay as charged," is what you mostly hear but it's very efficient and out-collects the Baptist, Catholic, Methodist and Presbyterian Churches combined!
Only Bar Church does better!
These are the top ten most dangerous things about living on Tybee.
Other than that, it's Paradise!
