Give or take a few.
I wake each morning resolved to live life to it's absolute fullest, enjoying the Hell out of everything, and keeping at it until I'm no longer able.
It's tough though.
I often fail.
So many people have done so many nice things, made food and brought it the house, gave money, dropped off presents and even did a LIVE MUSIC concert in our front yard!
It's all quieted down now but, I swear, I feel like I hate to let them down and not go ahead and die so they can feel good about going out of their way for us and all but ... I ain't there yet!
With conviction and resolve I start each day living like cancer isn't part of my life.
Climbing out of bed, I rush to turn on the coffee and grab a shower before Che wakes.
I'm in such a hurry because I'm determined to let Sarah sleep until whenever she wants.
Not that my wife sleeps late because it's impossible with a four year old who wakes up wanting to cuddle on the sofa watching television until the slumber's gone and then it's LET THE PARTY BEGIN!
I work to keep it quiet enough for Sarah to have some privacy in the bed, unless Che sneaks in to cuddle with her while they surf their cell phones in bed.
Boy's aren't allowed.
Sarah's has the weight of the world on her shoulders working with developmentally delayed people, raising four girls, caring full time for a husband with pancreatic cancer, managing everything about our home and making certain we have fun, even in the darkest times.
Most mornings I choose to believe I'm successful in keeping Che quiet enough for Sarah to start her day as she chooses.
It may not be as true as I believe but Lord knows I try.
I seem to be under lots of illusions these days.
Of course it's not the first time.
I made a career out of chasing rainbows.
In spite of mountains of evidence to the contrary, I believed we can end homelessness in our city, care for every person infected with HIV or COVID-19 now, everybody can see a doctor where it's not about money first, people who normally wouldn't be caught dead together can make church if they shut up and open up to one another and other unobtainable wishes.
I was crazily successful though not a single damn goal was reached.
A lot of people were helped because of the effort.
At least that's the way I choose to believe it.
It may not be true either.
Regardless of my best efforts, Sarah rises exhausted for yet another day pushing multiple boulders uphill.
I fool myself into believing I'm helpful until she asks if I can simply be still and sit in the other room.
Retreating to the sofa, Che lays her head in my lap and we watch television together.
I'll be helpful to Sarah by not moving.
Losing interest in our show, I spy something pink, yellow and blue in the carpet.
I wonder what it is but there's no way in Hell I'm moving to check it out.
Later, when we're summoned to the table for dinner, I find it's a rainbow.
Che dropped it from her bowl of Lucky Charms.
