Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What Goes Around ... comes around

I've always been a big believer in "what goes around comes around" meaning that the things you do ... either good or bad, eventually have the same consequence for you. Good rewards good. Bad hits you in the stomach just when you thought you gotten away with it. It's Karma ... things eventually return to their original status, completing the cycle. I've done a lot of good in my life. As a result, I've had ... and have ... a lot of good things. Celebrating them daily, I thank God and do my best to keep on contributing to the good stuff. Selfishly, I want more of it. Perhaps it's not so selfish ... I want it for most everyone else too. Then again, I've done my share of bad and have certainly had my fair share of bad too. Things that I wouldn't wish on anybody. It was hard as hell for me to get through them ... then accept the fact they'd happen to me ... and finally understand that I'd contributed in some way or another. Things I'd started eventually came right back at me. There are times, normally when I'm quite and contemplative, when I check the ledger. After reviewing my inventory of sins, I remember both the random and the deliberate acts of kindness. This always leaves me frustrated. I've done far more good than bad so why in the hell did the bad that came back and hurt me so damn much? I've been betrayed, lied to, left, hurt and forgotten. I finally conclude it's because ... I've betrayed, lied, left, hurt and forgotten people and things that I shouldn't ... but I did. That's the frustrating part. Then ... randomly something happens. I pick up the newspaper, spreading it out on the counter with the first cup of coffee, and there on the front page ... above the fold ... is a story about someone who had done bad things to me. Bad things are now happening to him and they are strangely similar to the things that happened to me ... that he'd been part of orchestrating. Staring off into space, lost in the universe and oblivious to the activity happening around me, I understand I'm part of something much bigger ... God's Divine Plan ... Karma ... the simple understanding that what goes around eventually comes around. The first thought after the feeling is a Bible verse. "Let justice roll down like waters, righteousness like a mighty stream" ... or "Kick his ass! He deserves it! He can rot in hell!" Then I pause again ... thinking of Karma. Walking outside, I plop in the chair, propping my feet on the railing of the Beloved Back Deck and stare at Fran's Thousand Shades of Green. Fran died while we were in college of a disease she didn't ask for and there was no justice in whatsoever. She taught me the color green though and there is this wall of it in the backyard so she has risen from the dead in it and we talk almost daily. The Palm Tree with the oyster shell face, coconut bra and grass smirk looks at me making a face ... like "I told you didn't I? He had it coming?" I think about things I learned in Seminary. Hinduism teaches "God does not make one suffer for no reason nor does She make one happy for no reason. God is very fair and gives you exactly what you deserve ... Karma is not punishment or retribution but simply an extended expression or consequence of natural acts." It leaves me torn. There are some assholes out there who deserve the bad coming back at them and I have to admit ... I'd like to see it. At the same time, I've had my fair share bad and I don't want anymore. I want surely goodness and mercy to follow me for the rest of whatever days I have left. I'll love what I have and concentrate on what I've got and not curse the past nor wish bad things ... except for those few who ... really do deserve them.