"And what is truth?" Pilate asked.
Everyone leaned forward waiting for his answer but silence filled the room. Jesus had nothing to say.
Theologians argue that there was no need for an answer. The truth was standing before Pilate. The response was obvious.
But I wonder what was going through Jesus' mind as Pilate looked at him waiting and as everyone in the room anticipated something from the Jews latest controversial figure. It was apparent that he done enough to upset a lot of people or he wouldn't be standing there in judgement. Whatever rules he had broken had been Jewish ones and Pilate only administered the laws of Rome and Jesus had broken none of those.
Then again, sometimes there is simply nothing to be said.
Last night I lay in bed counting my sins. It's the opposite of counting sheep which makes you fall asleep. Counting sins keeps you awake. There were some big ones of course ... breaking promises, failing to hold up my part of the deal, or purposely ignoring someone who obviously needed me. These were easy to count.
The smaller ones ... not telling the truth, being selfish, wanting what I don't have rather than celebrating all of the wonderful things in my life.
The funny thing is that is I were to weigh them, each would weigh the same. And sometimes you get called on it and ... there is nothing to say. There's nothing worth saying. You can either scream that it wasn't your fault, do your best to defend yourself or not give a damn and walk away.
Or you can let the truth of it speak for itself.
In Jesus' case, it made things much worse before anything got better. He was flogged, beaten, ridiculed and then killed which is about as bad as things can get.
But then it got better. Somehow he overcame all of these things to renew his significant relationships, bringing them out of their own despair, fears and doubts. They learned to love on an even grander scale, deeper and more holy than anything they had experienced before.
There are things in my past that I wish I'd have done differently. There are mistakes I make in my present that prevent me from being everything that I really want to be. Every day I wake up committed to growing deeper in my love for the significant one, my friends ... to do better work that makes a difference, to encourage and to be honest. Sometimes you are reminded that as far as you may have come, there is still a ways to go.
And there is nothing to say.
You beat yourself up, hear the ridicule of others and crucify yourself over the things that went wrong.
Then you reach a point where you either are swallowed by it and you die a little to all of the things that really could be. Or you just keep trying and do your best to not repeat the sins of the past. Things may get worse but you pray they get better. I've a lot of "worse" in my life. It still taints the ME that I'm struggling to become but I keep trying ... because I still believe with everything within me of all of the love that is ...
And that's the truth.
