I am not wearing any underwear today. Finally! I didn’t wear any yesterday either. I’m back at home on Tybee where underwear is optional and I have literally opted out of mine.
At home I have a tendency to simply wear running shorts and little else until that bastard winter shows up. Today I’m my beloved back deck and will get around to putting on the running shorts in a little bit.
Now tomorrow Rebekah is going to make me put on underwear as she and I have several meetings in town. On Wednesday my friend Jodi is forcing me to put them on for a lunch meeting in a yet to be disclosed place.
I have decided that there is a direct correlation between wearing underwear and attending meetings. I think that like 99.9% of the people who attend meetings have them on. I have another dear friend of mine who told me that she has 67 pairs of underwear. She really likes meetings!
I can only think of one friend who would go to work without putting on underwear and of course he worked at the Breakfast Club. Back in those days the cooks wore “whites” one of the uniforms of a Chef. Kyle wore the whites but never any underwear. So that when he leaned over the grill he very literally showed his ass.
My friend Jodee, the owner of the Breakfast Club is smart and an astute business man. After a couple of weeks he began to notice that showing one’s ass over breakfast is bad for business. People ordered their food but when Kyle leaned over the grill to cook it they all lost their appetite. A tremendous amount of food was being thrown away every day!
So Jodee got rid of the whites and ordered colorful Chef paints that you cannot see through. Customers ate their food again. He would have gotten rid of Kyle but the F.B.I. did it for him.
But while it may be bad for the breakfast business I think that meetings would get better if no one wore underwear to them. First of all, they’d probably be a lot shorter. Most meetings are way too long and I think that part of the reason is that participants are forever taking time to adjust their underwear.
Then others, mostly women, have bras that they like a lot so they wear shirts than dip over their shoulders so that they can show off the strap. This causes most men in the meeting to not hear much anything that is being said as they sit their staring at the purple or leopard skin bra strap wondering … so everything gets repeated multiple times.
It would be especially good if bankers, politicians, and clergy stopped wearing underwear to meetings. Or to work at all! I mean they always have their panties in a wad about things anyway!
Um…that gives me pause. Probably what is wrong with this country is that too many male bankers, politicians and members of the clergy wearing panties to work and the female ones wear boxer shorts. We already have metal detectors to protect us from things. Perhaps we need underwear inspectors to ensure that people are wearing the right kind of underwear. I mean the President of a bank doesn’t need to stand in front of his mirror in the morning wondering if it’s a see through green thong or a crotch-less black frilly thing.
It would be a lot simpler if underwear were simply banned from meetings. Especially in Congress and at the Religious denomination gatherings, the White House, Pentagon and the Supreme Court (I’m really not sure if any of the Supreme Court Justices wear them anyway. Let’s not even bring up the Catholic Church!).
It is time for a new movement of liberation and freedom! Let’s get rid of underwear in meetings! We’ll get some leopard skin ribbons and have an awareness month challenging people to “lose the laundry and jump on in” as James Taylor puts it.
Let’s do it people! Stand Up and free yourself! Be the first and enjoy the hell out of the next meeting that you are in!
