I am having the shittiest day.
Everything I do is slow motion. I struggle to remain focused. I'm short with Che. I constantly get in Sarah's way and can't seem to stop. I have lots of great thoughts flying by but struggle to grab hold of any, so I stare off, perplexed trying to make myself remember what I literally just thought.
Somehow, I don't know how, I still go through the motions. I care for Che, follow Lainey as she drags me around for exercise, wash dishes and put them away (albeit often in the most interesting places). I read when I can, listen to tons of music, play on Twitter and pull weeds in the backyard.
And thankfully, I'm gifted with Weed, which I smoke sitting under an umbrella while I pray, despair, question, count my blessings or, sometimes, blissfully fall into a 3 Mile stare for undetermined periods of time because "a minute is a million years".
Sarah's equally exhausted, conducting an orchestra that never stops, with instruments constantly breaking, temperamental musicians, adoring audiences to the point of suffocation and her own questions, thoughts and feelings.
At the moment, I'm outside watching Che swim in the kiddie pool Sarah got and put together for us. Che's waiting on a friend to arrive, after spending a fair portion of the morning playing with another friend.
Sarah's trying to take a few minutes for herself, though I'm certain she's working on something for someone, so I'm watching Che.
Our daughter happily splashes imaginary games as I light the pipe, hoping for a second of infinity before her friend arrives.
"DADDY! DA! DA!," Che suddenly screams. "A HEART CLOUD AND THE MOON!"
Staring through the flame, my eyes follow the point of Che's arm and look up.
"IT'S FOR US DADDY! THE HEART CLOUD AND THE MOON! THEY ARE FOR US DADDY!"
Impulsively, I snap a photo between puffs while simultaneously going inside to tell Sarah.
The cloud dissipates quickly.
Che's friend arrives.
Sarah's suddenly busy scheduling me another Doctor's appointment because of a suspicious looking bump.
I resume my place under the umbrella, now wondering about signs from Heaven on an otherwise shitty day.
