I'm sitting at the conference room table in Corporate Headquarters of the Company where I work. I'm the only one here so the music's blaring and Neil Young is offering encouragement. "Long May You Run" he says. I tell this is my intention. It's hard not to like Neil.
The commute in was pretty nice. The sky was a muted grey in the predawn morning, the tide was high, the marsh grass green and the view from the top of the Lazaratto Bridge always takes my breath away. The Savannah River meets the Sea here and I never grow tired of it.
Hilton Head and all of its busyness is across the way ... I swear that island is going to sink one day. Turtle Dafuski Island is behind it reminding me of Pat Conroy. Fort Pulaski there too and I played there as a kid. The Cockspur Lighthouse sits below me and it reminds me of my dear friend Bruce, when we sat on top of it together with our arms around each other, singing songs. This is a happy place.
I coast into my assigned parking place at the office. The woman in the office below is doing Pilates. She doesn't have a car though she does drive a Golf Cart. Collecting my stuff out of my car, I climb the stairs to the penthouse where my office is located. Somehow, I'm not quite certain how, I have more seniority than anybody else here, so I have the penthouse office.
My secretary shows up wearing a coconut bra and a grass skirt. She doesn't say much choosing to leave me to my own devices. She's also wearing a smirk this morning ... as cold as left over oyster shells. I surmise that she hasn't done shit since last week. I left her with multiple assignments but her hair is a mess and there's even a bird sitting in it.
I'm not making this up!
Taking my seat, I contemplate where I should start. Picking up my phone, I text my wife who I just left to tell her that I love her. Then ... I jump on Face Book to check on my kids. Family comes first in our office which is one of the reasons that I choose to work here. It's not too corporate.
Chelsea and Sam went to the Braves game yesterday and have posted pictures so I check them out. There's a picture of Jeremy smoking a cigar. Kristen hasn't updated anything since the last time I updated it for her. Cute pictures of Laurel's birthday parties also take a while for me to work through. Maddie wears a smirk like my secretary. Cassidy is afraid of sharks which makes me laugh.
Finishing this, I wander into the records room, which is a mess. My secretary sucks! I collect the stack of things that must be accomplished today and bring them outside to the conference room table. The sun is shinning bright through the non-glassed windows so I move to another seat. My secretary finally makes herself useful and stands between the sun and me.
Getting back up, I get a towel for my chair. Another thing that I like about this Company is that it doesn't have a dress code. I used to work at a place that required neck ties, long pants, a coat, shirts, shoes and ... SOCKS! It sucked. This new Company though doesn't make such demands. So I'm naked. One of the perks is that can work on your tan at the same time you're working on profits ... or lack thereof.
My secretary falls down on the job. I swear. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her fall down and then immediately jump back up as though if she did it fast enough, I wouldn't notice. She's no longer blocking the sun which is now in my eyes. She's still wearing the smirk. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why they keep her.
I've get to work. Taxes are due. Inexplicably, we made enough money last year that we owe taxes. More than I've ever owed before! Soon as I figure out where the corporate check book is, I'll write Obama a check. I'm not giving him cash. I don't mind writing him a check though ... I make myself a mental note to get someone on staff to balance the checkbook ... it's been a year and I think the Company policy says to balanced annually. I don't know.
Thank God, it's break time now. This place is a slave driver. There's always something to do. I need more fresh air.
As I'm walking away from it all, Goddess shows up to remind me it's Employee Fitness Time. The Company is health conscious and requires daily walking as a way to keep insurance premiums down. She's a bitch for reminding me. Nevertheless, it is part of Company policy so we take the mandatory walk.
Back at the office, I see that Fran has showed up. She must have had a hell of a weekend because she's all green. I'm doubtful she's going to accomplish much anything today. She and my secretary are talking in whispers. They're already planning lunch.
I check emails. "Damn," I say to myself out loud, "I cannot believe the things people want me to do."
It's my job though to figure out what to do and what not to do.
Sighing, I stare out of the non-glassed windows.
Hmmmmm ... it's a perfect day for the beach.
Grabbing my phone, I call in sick and leave myself a message.
I wonder where my secretary put the suntan lotion.
