Laurel's at work and Cassidy's at her Dad's so it's just us.
She's leaned her head on my shoulder, a rare thing because Sarah spends the first hour of nightly "Couch Time" either working or managing thousands of things I blissfully am completely unaware.
The second hour we normally watch something on Netflix, talk about the day during our nightly routines, collapse in bed where I immediately fall asleep while my wife reads for another hour.
Unless Laurel's home.
All bets are off if Laurel's home!
If she's home early, she dominates the couch, speaks in tongues without ceasing, prevents Sarah from taking care of business and me concentrating. If she's home late, she'll crawl in bed with us to relay whatever it is that's important at the moment, which is, of course, everything!
But tonight it's just us and my wife's head's resting on my shoulder.
We're so tired.
Everything takes monumental effort.
I know she wants to dive into her work, help Maddie plan the move into her new apartment, answer Cassidy's latest crisis or planning trips for us sometime in the future which she enjoys doing most.
This time of night, sitting beside Sarah, mindlessly watching Netflix, coming down from the "high" that got me through another day, is when I'm most relaxed and resting.
We're both so jealous for this time that we rarely disrupt our beloved routine so it's pretty seismic if my girl's head is on my shoulder.
I love the smell of her hair, how it falls over my shoulder too with her head this way and words to a song float through my head, Blondie's "warm and soft, in the flesh.” Sarah hasn’t cut her hair in forever, carrying the burdens of its weight and never quite drying around because she loves me. She knows I love her hair.
"I dunno," I say feeling so completely one with her at the moment that there's no thinking, just honest answers.
"I don't feel like I'm dying. I don't want to ever feel that way. But everything's different."
"How?" she asks.
When Sarah's voice is soft, Angels cry because they know defeat when they hear it.
I am so in love.
"I don't know," I finally say.
Honest answers hang in the air.
"I'm gonna treat you like you're well because I don't know what else to do," are her words.
And all the emotion comes out of me with tears so mighty Mack Kitchens would kite sail around the world sending back the best damn little videos.
The answers are gone and only honesty remains.
The simplest, messiest, wet, sloppy, not-quite-on-the-mouth-but-not-quite-off-either, best fucking kiss of my life happens next.
The Kingdom of God comes on earth as it is in Heaven!
We both exhale deeply.
Sarah slides over picking up the remote.
I cover with the blanket.
Lainey lays between us.
Who cares what's on Netflix?
