At lunch the other day with friends, one said, "It seems you're really focusing on the important things in life. Sarah. Travel. You look happy."
It was a nice thing to hear.
It's been a crazy ride! I've had my fair share of hurts and disappointments but also the thrills of surfing the big waves and coming down safely.
The other thing she said was, "You keep reinventing yourself. The rest of us more or less stay the same."
It's not something I think about though I suppose it's true. Beginning as a radical Seminary student, I somehow became a "Professional Christian" in a Southern Baptist Church of all places. It was there I learned success and storms weave the same fabric. It was there I discovered passion.
"The thing about you Elliott," Congressman Jack Kingston once told me in the halls of the Capitol, "is that you've figured out how to fund your passion. Most people ask someone else to do it."
It's true that I did what I was passionate about for the next twenty plus years and was again wildly successful! I won awards, traveled the world, broke numerous glass ceilings but ... at the cost of family and myself. Eventually Humpty Dumpty fell, or was pushed, off a very tall wall and broke.
There was no putting it back together again so, I've now become someone else ... again.
It's not like I had much of a choice. You either pick up the pieces and try to make it into something new or you give up. So now I'm becoming something new ... again.
I'm different this time around ... just like I was different last time around. I'm more mellow now, not as quick to dive into something, extremely appreciative for everything I've got though apprehensive about how long I get to keep it. After achieving so many big things I now take great delight in the small everyday happenings of my life. I no longer have the need to fight and if someone else is picking one I keep quiet and let them.
I spend a lot of time in reflection, thought and prayer. I'm content to be alone and enjoy working from home with Sarah doing the same in another room. No longer compelled to find adventure, I'll bide my time until the next one finds me.
I still enjoy creating something out of nothing, get excited about making a deal, gathering with my friends and traveling. My kids bring me great joy as I watch them make their own lives, especially when they invite my participation.
There are still unanswered questions that I wrestle with though nowhere near as many as I used to have. When others wrestle with their questions I chime in if asked but don't feel as though I have to.
I have no idea how much time I have left, hopefully a lot, but I'm grateful for who I am today, the things I've done in the past, those who love me and the opportunity for another day. Whenever my time has passed, I won't regret lack of trying.
Life begins with endless opportunities and wide open expanses. As we live, we boil it down to a few important things.
Do good. Love deeply. Try your best. Don't dwell on things that didn't happen. Have fun. Cry a little. Laugh a lot. Forgive yourself and jump back in.
Because one day God will put a hand on my shoulder and say, "That's it! No more diving in. That part's over. Time for something new."
