Sunday, November 29, 2015

Between Heaven and Earth

You know how sometimes it feels as though Scotty's beamed you up and while you're still here going through the motions, doing the things you do every day, you're not really here?

That's me today.

I'm here but I'm not.

Perhaps it's because the girls aren't home and for the first time in a hundred Sunday's there are no Cinnamon Rolls to make.

I was really missing the kids on the last UGA game of the season mindful this is the first time in their collective lives either all of us, or some collection,  didn't share the experience together.

While it's sunny and warm outside now, winter's coming and that always depresses me though Sarah and the girls are beyond excited and maybe it'll rub off on me, especially when we visit her parents in New York City in a few weeks.

Sitting on the sofa as I watched games Sarah navigated the Internet searching for warm places to go in a few months and I wish we could just pick up and go now to return in late Spring ... if we return at all.

It could be because Sarah's traveling the next two weeks so there will be days without her which I do not relish ... though Maddie will be here and I'm not certain who's taking care of who.

A portion of today is spent doing things I'd prefer not to but duty calls and I've done my best to prepare and we'll see what happens.

Sometimes when I'm playing at the Nursing Home I'd rather not be there and I go through the motions, leaving it to Lona to carry the  crowd with energy and enthusiasm ... then ... something kicks in ... and I see the face of a woman in a wheelchair I'm fond of and I suddenly give it everything I've got ... and Lona smiles, John Iacovini hits the Congas with wild abandon and the inmates go wild ... then Scotty beams me up again ... and I'm there but not completely.

I've been told that when this happens you're between heaven and earth ... one foot in both places ... given the chance to see life without you ... and trying to decide if it's time to go.

I'm not ready yet ... there's too much to live for here ... and I still feel needed ... and necessary ... anchored down in love.

But it's a gift I think when these moments occur ... Scotty beams us up ... and we see and feel our life differently than normal.

It makes me appreciate NOW.

And reminds me that it won't always be here.