If Mitt Romney were here, he would call me an "influence peddler" just like he did Newt Gingrich. I wouldn't like it ... not because it's true but I don't want to be associated with Newt ... or with Mitt.
I prefer to hang around people with regular names like John, Judy, Joe, Cheryl, Mark or Mitch.
The truth of the matter is I also hang around people with political names like Dedra and Whitley.
And it is also true that throughout my career I've been an influence peddler.
"Let me make this perfectly clear, I've never been a lobbyist," said Newt, and as much as I dislike him, I have to agree.
I never actually registered as a lobbyist but I sure spent hundreds of hours in Savannah, Atlanta, and Washington D.C. pushing for things I believe in. The end result was Union Mission got millions of dollars to help the poor, several policy changes were implemented either because I asked for them or because the member of the elect were so horrified at what I was asking for that they passed laws to do the opposite.
It's crazy work.
If I were writing Wickipedia, I would define lobbyist as "ass kisser with chapped lips with a skin tone that leans towards brown."
Of course, I would define politician as "someone who likes to have their ass perpetually kissed and is willing to endure most anything to have this pleasurable experience continue including selling their soul, lying, stepping on most anyone and defining it as public service."
Sure there are some exceptions.
They weren't re-elected.
So I tell you that to tell you this.
I'm getting ready to drive to Atlanta (which thinks its the Center of the Universe) to go to Lobby-Fest otherwise known as Savannah Day in Atlanta, a giant cocktail (oh, the things I could do with that word in this context) party with seafood and bar-b-que and ass kissing of major proportions.
Over the past twenty-five years, I think I've missed one. It was all work related until last year when I no longer represented Union Mission or anything else except me.
"What are you doing here?" Sonny Dixon asked me. "You don't have to be here anymore."
"Because I want to be," I replied. "I can ask the question that everyone wants to ask but can't ... Governor Deal, just how in the hell did you get elected?"
I never got to ask it though.
My friend Terry Ball showed up and we sat and caught. Terry and I did a lot of good things together and it was more important to spend good time with him. I remember a lot of people coming up and giving me hugs and asking me what I was doing now, why I left Union Mission and if I could help with this or that.
I told them that I was working on my tan, Union Mission had left me and I was no longer an influence peddler.
Then the Union Mission people showed up, saw me and left so I got another ... cocktail.
But the truth of the matter is ... I am and influence peddler.
I'm going back today for a lot of reasons.
First, my beautify daughter Chelsea has an apartment on the Georgia Tech campus and she just graduated from the University of Georgia and this cracks me up. Oh the irony of what love can do to you!
Second, I hope to see Terry Ball again. I miss him.
Third, over those decades I made a lot of friends whom I haven't seen in year. What's a $100 ticket, the cost of gas to Atlanta and an overpriced hotel room to (a) see a lot of people I really like (b) ignore people I really don't like (c) have steamed oysters and bar-b-que and (d) see an ass kissing festival (rivaled only by the Southern Baptist Convention)?
Fourth, Sarah and I are making it a road trip!
Anyway ... I have to go find my brown shoes.
I haven't worn them in a year.
Next time you're with any member of The Elect (meaning they got themselves elected) look at their shoes.
If they're brown ... well you know why.
If they're black ... they've been in office WAY TOO LONG.
Come to think of it ... I'm wearing Flip-Flops tonight.
I think they will have more influence.
