Friday, May 30, 2014

Faith Based Politics

T.D. Jakes ... Pat Roberson ... James Roberson ... W. A. Criswell ... Ernest Angley ... Kenneth Copeland ... Charles Stanley ... Joel Osteen ...

I've been in the same room with each of these ... "Professional Christians" who make ungodly amounts of money promoting God.

They all looked nice with perfect hair, really white teeth and their socks never ... EVER ... slipped below their calves when they sat in the pulpit.

Aside from W. A. Criswell, who I was forced to listen butcher the Bible at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, a once great institution which now regularly butchers the Bible, I saw or met the rest at President George W. Bush's "Faith Based Summit" which I was inexpiably invited.

Held in the Library of Congress, the food was really good though no alcohol was served, all of the famous preachers shook one another's hands exclaiming, "I think we finally have our boy in the White House," and Phil Driscoll played both "Amazing Grace" and "God Bless America" on the trumpet.

I had a hard time fitting in.

I wore blue jeans, a white shirt with a blue tie and a grey corduroy coat ... "The Kroger Bag Boy" look ... and had really long hair.

Congressman Jack Kingston invited me to "represent" his district and Natalie Jayroe was so pissed off she wasn't invited she launched a campaign with Jack's office which finally relented and got her a pass too.

She was as appalled as I was at the blatant ass kissing in which the Republicans and the Preachers were engaging.

"You're a volunteer," I told her. "Not a victim."

She rolls her eyes with no defense.

When it was finally over, I wandered out into the parking lot where James Robertson and T.D. Jakes stood between their Limos talking passionately about the President and how God's time is finally unveiling itself and how happy they are to be part of the Kingdom coming on earth as it is in Heaven.

Making my way to the Washington Hotel, I rode the elevator to the outdoor bar on top with it's incredible views of the Capitol and ordered a glass of wine.

"Religions in the hands of crazy ass people," I sang along with Jimmy Buffett in my head. "Television preachers with bad hair and dimples,  the God's honest truth is it's not that simple ..."

Yep.

I'm glad I got to go though.

It was fascinating and I wouldn't wish the pompousness on anybody.

When I went I'd already quit being a "Professional Christian", now a volunteer for love and the only thing I get in return is ... occasionally love's given back.

But that's all Jesus promised in the first place.