"Church people are crazy," I continue.
Both nod in agreement.
The phone rings and it's Sarah who's busy putting out Church Fires and her passion is clearly evident as Mom and Jason can hear everything's she's saying.Church fires are typically stupid stuff!
Someone says they're doing one thing only to do something else.
Someone unexpectedly takes to criticizing because they're personally offended while everybody else is just fine with what everyone unanimously agreed to do.
Someone hacks into the church computer system just because they're pissed.
And every Church has Indian givers ... people promising they'll do this or that only to say really don't mean it ... this is especially true when it comes to money ... I mean tithes ... no I mean money.
No wonder Jesus said he'll build his Church upon a Rock because you've got to have a really solid base to handle the constant earthquakes and fires taking place when two or three gather together in his name.
"Every successful organization has one SOB," my friend the Father Vernon Robertson once told me. "That's why we have the Pope."
"What?" I reply.
"Yep," he says sipping Cappuccino. "Catholics say Priests should marry or lighten up on birth control ... the Pope's job is to say no and keep everybody in line."
"Uh-huh," I say.
"The problem with you Baptists," he continues, "is you have 100,000 SOB's all wanting to the only one."
I couldn't think of a response.
"ANYWAY!" Sarah concludes on the phone, "I THINK IT'S HANDLED. I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK. I SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS AT MY JOB!"
Three decades ago I was a "Professional Christian" getting paid to believe while asking others to do it for free.
I lasted 8 years and when I left I swore I'd never do it again.
Now here I am doing it again.
"Jesus Christ," I tell myself.
Because I can't think of anything else to tell myself.
