Throughout my life things pretty much went the way I willed them to with few disruptions, going the way I wanted them too, even if they weren't always right.
I've been gifted with Sarah twice in my life, once a thousand years ago when we were both different people, heading in different directions, wanting different things.
Then the miracle happened.
We'd both spent our lives to that point making the world a better place for people who struggled. It's hard work but we attacked it ruthlessly because we believe it was somehow rooted in being part of Christ's love. If we, along with everyone else loved just enough then everyone's nose would stay above the water.
But the day comes, as it always does, "when the wild waves would wet us too, and the winds would lash us, and the great beast browsing it's way up from below, would raise it's head and notice us at last. I concluded that even in Paradise, maybe especially in Paradise, the dark times come" (Frederick Buechner).
Sarah blew up her world by jumping on the breezes of longing for better things grown in love.
Already a wreck, my life was the scattered debris of weak or misplaced dreams.
Then, by the grace of God and fairy tales, it was just us.
It's been hard work and just as everything was coming together just as we imagined, I'm diagnosed with cancer as wild waves hit us repeatedly knocking our feet out from underneath and we gasp for air.
In spite of it all, my wife holds my hand tightly as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
I don't know how but Sarah squeeze's my hand harder, long elegant fingers wrapping around mine, and she smiles.
It's a tired smile but expressions of love and faith always come with a price to pay.
I wish I had more to give her on this Valentine's Day.
Sarah deserves so much more.
But all I have to give anymore is, well, simply me, all tattered and broken.
She doesn't seem to care, quickening her step and pulling me along as we make our way headfirst into the raging wet winds.
The only thing I know for sure anymore is, I'm never letting go of her hand.
Happy Valentine's Day Babes!
I wish there was more.
