Seriously five different officers visited on three different occasions and wrote three different citations in a one week period! Someone had complained.Dog barking is apparently one of Tybee's most major crimes ranking in the same category as DUI, swimming beyond fifty feet of the Pier, using your yard to make money by selling parking on the forth of July or walking into a party of underage drinkers as the only one of legal age.
The Tybee Coyote was not mentioned last night but the fifteen police officers present all kept a hand on their guns just in case.
Goddess seemed cool about it all. I think she smoked a few doobies before heading to court.
Winston, the little gay dog, was upset because he was wearing his "Alcohol Was A Factor" sweater that he got from the Bored Meeting. He bought it from O Johnny (not to be confused with Johnny O) when the Bored got into merchandizing.
This is how Tybee Court works.First you stand in line so an officer can use his magic wand on you. He takes longer with some people than he does with others. He took a long time with Sarah and not so much with me.
Once inside you have to find a seat. Of course there are none as they're all taken up by the fifteen members of the Tybee Island Police Department.
That's not completely true. Several stand guard over the women's rest room at all times. Evidently bad things have happened in the women's restroom at Tybee Court. I could just waltz into the Men's restroom without being re-wanded.
The Judge comes out. Judges are people who used to be normal human beings until they put on a black robe. Then they become something completely different.
Court begins.
The guilty go first, meaning they plead guilty and are assessed fines, community service, school, counseling, listen to a lecture from the black robed Judge, talk to the Public Defender and informed that checks are not taken ... credit cards and money orders only.
Afterwards the attorneys go with their clients.
The Judge knows them all so they all joke and laugh a lot. "May I approach?" the attorneys ask and the Judges winks and says "You may, " and they joke, giggle and such with their backs to everyone. A Plea Bargain is announced and the attorneys get to leave while the rest of us have to wait.
The Not-Guilty pleas follow. The Judge warns every single one that they need an attorney. There are none to be found which dispels a myth that they are ambulance chasers. It does create another one though that Judges are in collusion with attorneys.
As all of this is happening, the Court credit card machine is racking up major bucks. Everyone is fined something or given community service on Tybee (which is free labor). The Tybee Island Police Department all appear happy. The Judge is obviously ready to be done. Tybee is rolling in the dough.
That was three hours of my life last night for the barking of a seven year old pot smoking dog and a little gay thing, Winston, who cried all night because he felt he'd dressed wrong.
But it got a continuance.
We get to do it all again in two weeks.
