Saturday, February 9, 2013

Coloring outside the lines with Winston, the little gay dog.

"Dad, why is your vet calling me?"

"Oh hey Chelsea! They've already called you? Sorry. I put you down as the emergency contact because I couldn't remember your sister's phone number."

"Oh," she mumbled from Atlanta where she lives. Kristen, her sister, lives on Tybee Island where I live and where the dogs are boarded.

"Is anything wrong?" I asked.

"Um, no," she said. "But Winston, the little gay dog, did attack a German Shepherd."

"Oh," I mumbled from the car sailing south down I-95. The sun was shinning, the skies blue on an eighty-five degree day and the last thing I wanted to think about was Winston, the little gay, son-of-a-bitch (and I use the term literally).

"The German Shepherd's OK," Chelsea went on to explain.

Winston, the little gay, dog has been acting strange lately. He's in trouble with the law, has become quite the Diva, is expressing Bi-Polar Disorder tendencies and wears little sweaters with sayings on them like, "Coloring outside the lines."

"How's Goddess?" I ask.

"Same as always," Chelsea says. "Laid back, happy and snoring in her cage."

While I had inspected her thoroughly I suspect Goddess was still able to sneak her stash inside Tybee Animal Care. Maybe she had raided the Pharmacy when Dr. Iyler was separating Winston, the little gay dog, and the German Shepherd. I don't know.

"Oh well," I sighed. "It'll only be week." 

"Winston, the little gay dog, will own the place in a week Dad," Chelsea shot back.

Immediately I could envision the clinic decorated in pink and black with lava lamps and tie-die throw pillows in the cages. Giant rainbow flags flying out front behind a sign reading, "Tybee Animal Care! Ending Heterosexual Privilege!

"Yeah," I signed.

What do you do? Sarah and I are getting on a cruise ship today. We'll be gone all week. That's plenty of time to figure out where we'll board Goddess and Winston, the gay little/Diva/Bi-Polar, sweater wearing, son-of-a-bitch, next.

Sighing, I told Chelsea I loved her and hung up.

"What was that about?" Sarah asked.

"Oh nothing dear. Everything is just as it should be."