Starting with "cancer fog" I've become absent minded and forgetful over simple things which Sarah took as me being intentionally rude which isn't the case at all!
"Why did you put the salad dressing bottle on the top shelf with the empty flower vases?" my exasperated wife, best friend and incredible lover asks.
"I have no idea," came the completely honest answer.
It's simply me living with cancer.
I've never done it before so I'm learning as I go.
Perhaps it's the diminishing of my mental capacities, which I always considered my strong suit, because somehow, though I have no idea how, I have become old.
Sarah has her own issues as she wrestles with life's biggest questions too.
Will she still need me?
Will she still feed me when I'm sixty-four?
Maybe it's not the cancer after all and I've simply become an old fart.
I'm finding other things slipping away too though as things I used to intensely care about lose their importance.
Things I used to find interesting or fun are shrinking as my mind moves from "Where I've been" to "what's next?"
I'd only make a couple of changes to the things I've already done, mostly how unprepared I was for Sarah in my life.
She didn't deserve how badly I was as we came together, deserves far better than I gave but I have the rest of my life to make it up to her, even if that means squeezing lots of things in before my time runs out.
Other than how poorly I treated my wife as we blended our family together, I have no real regrets.
It's been a great life so far!
The way it's going, I'm the guy who'll be late late God's Judgment because I'm too busy celebrating my living the best I can, forgiving myself for those times I fall short of completely fulfilling all of my senses at once as often as I can.
I'll slide across Heaven's home plate, partially clothed, sand in my hair, dried salt water on my body, penniless but with numerous maxed out credit cards, high as a kite and laughing with police sirens blaring as they grow closer in their pursuit!
At least that's the way I envision it.
I don't really think about it.
Sarah and I are plotting and planning and, while nothing's come together yet, we both know it's getting ready to take us by storm.
We can be scared or excited at whatever's coming next.
Life's too short to be scared.
I should know.
