Stuck in the airport with you

Growing up and working in Georgia for most of my life it’s always been Delta. It’s hard to fly anywhere in Georgia without using Delta and I am a Platinum flyer, Crown Room member, often bumped to first class snob. It was never my intention to turn out this way, but I did. I am extremely loyal to Delta and have earned a gazillion Frequent Flyer miles. That’s the good news. The bad news is Delta has reduced its flights to St. Martin. They only do it on Saturdays now. What is up with that? That’s like couples who only choose to have sex on Saturdays, eating dessert sporadically or saving the stuff in your nose for a monthly picking. Regardless, we wanted to travel to St. Martin and leaving on a Saturday was fine but the return options where incredibly limited. So we flew American Airlines. I also have a lot of AA miles because of a credit card I use, trips I’ve taken and plans to join the “Mile High Club” with Sarah. So we flew American Airlines ... from Jacksonville to Miami. It’s always a bad sign when the guy is putting gas in the plane, pumping it in on top of the wing and … you sit there watching it pour out of the bottom of the wing. What does one say? American Airlines doesn’t say anything. They do keep you sitting on the plane while the guy on top of the wing continues pumping gas into the tank until eventually a maintenance guy wanders under the wing and notices that something is not right. Two hours later, because of FFA regulations, we are told to get off the plane but to not leave the gate … even if you do have to pee. So we get off the plane. Sarah sits at the gate. I go get a beer in the bar. After another hour, we’re told to move to another gate where another American Airlines plane will take us to St. Martin. The only problem is that there is no plane at the gate we are told to rush to. Then we learn that it will be another four hours before the plane does arrive, lets its passengers off, gets clean, lets us board and …. We take off. But American Airlines does reward us with Food Vouchers totaling $12 per passenger. You cannot use your American Airlines issued Food Voucher on alcohol. We learn this sitting in the bar where each American Airline passenger on the plane for St. Martin is trying to pay for our drinks with American Airlines issued Food Vouchers. By this time, we are, of course, all on a first name basis. We know intimate details about each other’s lives. Several openly pick their noses in front of their new best friends. One couple has sex. My I-phone vibrates. It is Carlos in St. Martin. “Where R U?” Carlos is way hip on the language of texting. Sarah buys twenty-seven cookies from a bakery with our American Airlines issued Food Voucher. She will snack on them the entire time that we are in St. Martin. We will pass them out as gifts. I will give one to Carlos. Now we are sitting outside of the bar at our gate getting ready to board. I think that it may be problematic. Half of the American Airlines passengers are passed out from drinking all day. The other half are on a sugar high from spending their American Airlines issued Food Voucher buying cookies at the Bakery. My I-phone buzzes and it is my fellow Beach Patrol partner Hugh. “What in the hell is going on?” he demands. Beach Patrol members always have one another’s back. I tell him. “Oh no,” he sighs. “You flying American Airlines?” I ask. “Yep,” he says. “Well relax and enjoy the food,” I tell him and hang up.