My friend Shirley ends all of her messages with the word “Hugs”! It’s full of warmth and affirmation.
All of those years working with homeless people I witnessed lives without hugs of affirmation and what that can do to a person. They would come up and tell me their story or ask me to do something on their behalf and I always made sure that I touched them … shaking a hand or giving a hug.
Often times they would tense up because nobody had touched them in years. I thought it was the first step to helping them solve the issues that led to homelessness.
After all where does one go for a good hug these days?
Some religious gatherings still offer them freely but they sure seem to be growing rarer. I think that young people offer far more hugs than older people but with every passing year they lose a bit of the ability to keep doing it. And in the business world hugs lead to charges of sexual abuse.
It’s sad.
I’ve always ignored society’s increasing intolerance of hugs. It’s a big part of what is wrong with the world! If every meeting started with everyone giving everybody else a hug there would probably be a lot more productivity.
Or maybe not! Because people would get carried away with hugging one another and remain focused on the affirmation, sensuality and generally good vibes that hugs produce.
It would be great if every member of Congress and the State Legislature were forced to hug one another before they started screwing things for the day. I think that there would be far less screwing up!
During my last days at Union Mission I had a Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous who witnessed his predecessor and I hugging one another at the end of a meeting. The next time that the Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous and I were alone talking, he looked at me and said, “I am not one of those kinds of people.”
“What kind of people?” I asked, thinking that is how most refer to homeless people. They’re not people …they’re “those kinds of people”.
“I don’t hug,” he said emphatically. “I don’t get emotional. I just get to what needs to be done. It’s all business with me.”
I remember just sitting in my chair looking at him. It was first time that I’d ever seen one of “those kinds of people.”
Then a bunch of stuff happened and I left Union Mission. When I finally returned from a long restful stay in islands, I had to sit through a lot of meetings at Hunter, McClean, Exley & Dunn … Savannah’s largest law firm. When we finally got to the end of all this, there were a lot of hugs between the attorney, the previous Board Chair, a previous Board Chair to him, and then … the Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous caved into peer pressure and gave me the most awkward hug I’ve ever had in my life.
It was a start.
Though homeless people who hadn’t been touched in years offered or responded to better hugs.
Last year at this time I was burned out and depressed; finally taking time away from it all to get back to me. I was hurt, sad and lonely. And I didn’t accomplish much during this time. Every morning I would crawl out of a king size bed of which one half had been deserted. I’d go through the motions of getting ready for a day that really only had one agenda … getting through the day.
Then I’d go to the Breakfast Club. Now I’ve been going there a long time. But as I was suffering more than I’ve ever experienced something changed. Nance started hugging me every morning. Long, passionate, affirming hugs! Then Denise joined in ... then Patty ... then Ryan? ... then Franklin (who is brown). And though it got weird … it got me through.
I was struck this yesterday. My days are now full of hugs … be it the Breakfast Club, listening to Sam and Gordo play good damn live music … sitting with Johnny O and Judy at “Whine and Cheese” … or in the parking lot at Target!
They are not all physical. Lots of messages float across cyber-space and they are technological hugs of affirmation and warmth.
A couple of weeks I returned to the Starfish Café after a year long exile by a Board Chair who chooses to remain anonymous. As soon as I entered Philip and I hugged for a long time. Then Gloria and I hugged for a long time. Then Chef Paul and I hugged for a long time but he added kisses.
And as this happening, I remember thinking … no I remember feeling … no, I remember being …damn … it’s good to be home again.
