It's Election Day and the expected results of today's vote is ... NOTHING. Probably everybody who's already elected will stay in office and it'll be the same ol' same ol'! The campaigns were funnier this year than in previous ones because there's so much depth in the incompetence pool for candidates. But you can expect mostly more of the same.
In local News I cut the tip of my middle finger cooking Beef Stew last night and there is a great deal of hopeful expectation I won't play the guitar at tonight's Jam at Doc's Bar. Asking myself for a quote in response to the desires of masses, I said, "What? We don't listen to each other anyway because everybody's already planning what they're going play later at Social."
Monty Parks, the Jam's organizer could not be reached for comment.
Taking a look at the Weather ... it sucks! At least it's warm but it's raining, damp and depressing. Perfect for Election Day!
Back to the News ...
In an effort to reduce violent crime the Savannah/Chatham Metro Police Force raided several gun shops finding multiple weapons. "We don't know if there's a coloration or not," Chief Lumpkin explained, "I have to ask the City Manager."
In other Police news, Chef Lumpkin explained that the regularly scheduled murder on E. Gwinnett Street occurred on time and "the victim was alive hours before he died."
Famous and over zealous Attorney Jamie Casino accidently sued himself yesterday. "I can't guarantee how much I'm going to get yet but it should be six figures or enough to pay for this year's Super Bowl Commercial."
Savannah Mayor Edna Jackson met with a group of homeless people living under the Truman Parkway and strongly encouraged them to go home. In response those living outside looked at each other in bewilderment. City Spokesperson Brett Bell explained he had no idea what Mayor Jackson means.
Taking a look at Traffic, Meteorologist Pat Prokof reports, "The slow downs on Highway 21 and Interstate 16 continue to accelerate ... and Bay Street is at a stand still because a condom truck tipped losing it's load."
Turning to Sports, Tiger Woods continues to drop his balls in the wrong holes ... Tom Brady says his balls are perfect.
And that's today's News!
We hope you survived it!
