It won't look good and it probably won't smell good in the summer heat but I have to get one.
There are three bathrooms in our house but let me count the ways I can't use one in a moment of need.
Sarah is asleep in our bedroom and she's had an exhausting week and I love her with everything in me and I don't want to risk waking her up so ... that one's out.
Cassidy, the 8 year old, is asleep in her bedroom with the half-bath, and there's no way in Hell I want her up yet because she will want me to play and ... it's too early to play.
The other bathroom is downstairs meaning I will have sneak though Laurel's, the 11 year old, bedroom and she's asleep then open the door to Maddie's, the 13 year old, bedroom and she's asleep too and that's like waking up Hell and I don't want to go there.
I'm literally left outside.
I love the outdoors and do not mind peeing off the Beloved Back Deck ... in fact, it's my preferred method of urination ... but all the windows are open and I can be pretty elaborate about the splashes I make ... but I love my girls and don't to wake them up.
Plus I don't really have to pee.
This is going to take place all summer and the only possible solution is a Port-A-John on the Beloved Back Deck.
I went on Craig's List to look for "used" Port-A-John's but nobody seems to be selling.
We can't cough up the bucks for a new one.
What I need is several friends to help me steal one.
There are lots on Tybee Island so locating the right one is easy... you know one of those big custom ones ... shouldn't be problem ... because there are limited peeing places on Tybee so, as a temporary solution, the beach is littered with Port-A-Johns.
We can steal one between 11:30 and 1:00 on any weekday when all the cops have lunch at the same time at the Sundae Café.
The issue will be getting it through the gate and up the stairs.
Did I mention I love my girls?
Did I mention I really have to go?
Okay ... let's see who my friends are ... WHO'S IN WITH ME?
