I have a meeting with my past today in the form of a lunch at Johnny Harris' Restaurant where I used to have meetings all of the time. It's an old Savannah institution with a reputation of being a "Speak Easy" during prohibition. Later it was the city's premier dance halls with stars flashed on a dark blue ceiling. It remains a popular choice for "Old Savannah" families and politicians. Some patrons sit in the same booth every time they're there as it were a church pew with the family name engraved on the side.
It will be my first visit there in a while. I'm not doing much with Savannah these days. Bay Street has become the road to the airport. After decades of giving myself to the city, I got nothing for it anymore. The waters of the Back River and the marshes that barricade Tybee Island from the mainland offer me a refuge that the damn city never offered.
I have an underwhelming sense of anticipation for the lunch as I watch the sun rise above Fran's thousand shades of green from the beloved back deck. My bare feet dangle from the table as I watch wearing shorts full of holes. The computer is sharing Pandora's music and it makes me wonder ... when she opened that jar all of those centuries ago, letting out all of the evils upon humanity she closed it leaving only "hope" inside.
This morning "hope" is the music of "My Morning Jacket" singing "Librarian" ... When God gave us mirrors, he had no idea ... Karen of the Carpenters singing in the rain, another lovely victim of the mirrors evil ways ...
I don't like mirrors.
I don't like looking backwards.
My past is written down and sits on shelves in books or it can be "Googled" by the Internet savvy.
Whatever it was I've done, I did the best I could. Sometimes it was shitty but most of the time it was good. A lot of the time it was great!
I don't think about it much.
I plan and think about the things I want to do next. Pondering how to do them. Envisioning how it is going to be before it actually is. Feeling it inside of me as it ... becomes me. Holding up my hand as though I'm posing for Michelangelo sculpting Adam being born ... I touch the holy of what is going to be.
But it is Ben Barnes and Herb McKenzie who are dragging me backwards today. It's them so I have to go ... Dammit.
I owe them ... a lot.
Ben is the 92 year old God of Banking in Atlanta and he and I spent a lot of time there finding money for Union Mission and drinking triple malt Scotch in his hotel room afterwards. We build the J. C. Lewis Health Center together and redefined what health care looks like in a city. I love Ben as much as I love anybody and he does me too. He's the one responsible for this lunch. He dragged me down and told me I'm leaving the "damn beloved back deck" to have lunch ... so I am.
Herb and I went through the best of times and the worst of times together. We redefined the way a state provides services to the mentally ill (no small feat in the United States) only to watch it crumble and be kidnapped by people who like things to stay in the past ... people of the mirror. Neither one of us have gotten over it yet and it is awkward when we are together. Though he "loves me like a son" and I "love him like a father".
So I tip-toe into the past for just a little bit today. As soon as I arrive they will be shocked. My hair is as long as it was when I auctioned it off to help Union Mission back then. I'm tanned and will represent Bar Church by wearing Flip-Flops ... maybe I'll wear jeans. I'll put on my Samuel Adams Band tee shirt for sure. I'll be representing.
They'll ask me what I'm doing and I'll tell them. They're very opinionated that I be in charge of something again. I'll tell them that I'm really enjoying helping other people be in charge ... and playing rhythm guitar from the back row of the Bar Church Band. They'll ask me about St. Martin and I'll say, "Well there is this girl" so I didn't go. They'll ask me who and I'll tell them ... then conversation should get really interesting!
Anyway, I have stuff to go. My dear friend Chuck Courtenay needs sponsors for his concerts in Nursing Homes. Jennie in Atlanta needs to recoup everything that her organization lost in the last two years. Street Medicine needs half-a-million. Diane in New York ... well ... I love a challenge.
First, I have to take Goddess for a walk. Then I'll start ... creating ... like I did with Ben and Herb. Most of it will work out. Some of it won't.
But I'm too busy for the past right now though it's fun to look back sometimes ... I guess.
I'm ready for ... next.
To hell with mirrors.
The objects in them are always closer than they appear.
I don't want much to do with them.
