We were having a Bar Church Board meeting in the Corporate office on the beloved back deck. It was barely a quorum as most of the members were still in Bars.
Well, Johnny O was with Judy O having "Whine and Cheese" on their porch.
Julie just Julia was "Missing-in-Action."
Dr. Jerry was obviously having an emergency call.
Jenny O was ... I have no idea where she was.
Nevertheless, God called the most of holy of us to gather and conduct Her business. First we poured the sacramental wine and one shot of Holy Water. Samuel Adams, who plays damn good live music at Bernie's with Gordon, took his shirt off saying, "I don't know why I bother to wear this over here."
I took my shirt off wondering why I'd put it on in the first place.
Sam and I both looked at Cheryl and Dedra who kept their shirts on.
"Damn," we both muttered.
Then God called the meeting to order and we reviewed the finances first. Bar Church is in the black. We all congratulated ourselves by pouring more glasses of sacramental wine and one shot of Holy Water.
We reviewed how our money had been spent ... mostly to help people who didn't have any money. God approved the expenditures so we celebrated by pouring more cups of sacramental wine and one shot of Holy water.
Sam then pulled out the special Bar Church tee shirt ... "Where Wenches Sing Hymns" ... and we all thought it was beautiful. Sales were great and we had to decide what to do with ones that were not sold at Pirate Fest. After prayerful deliberations God told us to see them for $15/each to Bar Church members and $20 for pagans and $25/each for people who attend other churches.
We all toasted God with glasses of Sacramental wine and one glass of Holy Water.
I slurred, "What's next?"
Then God said that we need to come up with some special services. So ... we did.
Coming soon to a Bar Church near you!!!
1.All Hallow's Eve Service. Come to Bar Church dressed as your favorite sin or bring your favorite sinner for a special blessing.
2. Affirmation Sunday. If you are unmarried but living with someone you love, in a gay marriage, bouncing from relationship to relationship, there will be a special service to affirm where you are in your life and acknowledge God's love.
3. Special Thanksgiving Service. All are invited to crash Jenny O's dinner at Fannie's-On-the Beach which is a covered dish plus the kitchen pumping out most everything too for all of those who have nowhere to go on Thanksgiving. If Jenny O's cool with it, the Samuel Adams Band will play damn good live music.
4. Special Christmas Service. Frankincense, Myrrh and a Gold American Express are involved along with other gifts of the Magi but we're kind of fuzzy on the exact order of things.
5. Special New Year's Eve Service. Since this year's Polar Bear Plunge on Tybee has decided to try to get into the Guinness Book of World Records by asking everybody to wear swimming caps to the event, Bar Church will host a "Blessing of the Caps" service prior to the event. This is a "laying on of hands" ceremony which may, or may not, involve the swim caps.
6. Martin Luther King Celebration Service. For everyone who just got divorced, kicked their sorry lover out of the house or sneaked out in the middle of the night come celebrate "Free At Last! Free At Last! Thank God Almighty! I'm free at Last!"
7. Valentine's Service. This is an all 1960's music service with accompanying "Love-In."
God then blessed our work.
We all celebrated with sacramental wine and one glass of Holy Water.
