Micheal Elliott Revised Standard Version
1-4. God was done working having created pretty much everything so he took Sunday off which was righteous. Even though all of this was previously explained in Chapter 1 I'm going to tell it again adding new stuff. This is how it happened now that I've had time to think about it.
5-6. The earth was a pretty dry and barren place and it never rained and there was nobody to rain on anyway. And thus says the Lord, "I gotta water this place," and behold streams bubbled up from everywhere.7. Then God picked up some wet dirt and blew on it and behold there was this dude.
8-9. God was a gardener and had this bodacious garden named Eden and he placed the dude there. There were all kinds of cool trees with lots of fruit but God was such a good gardener that he had grown a tree of life and another tree bearing knowledge which nobody had done before or has since.
10-14. Eden had a pretty cool river that ran in four different directions. You could get anywhere from there.
15-17. Then God told the dude, "Take care of this place and you can eat anything you want BUT ... if you touch the tree of knowledge, I'll just have to kill you."
18. And God mumbled, "It's not good that the dude is by himself. I gotta fix that."
19-20. So God started tinkering around making things, starting with cows for some reason then birds and then got a little crazy making wilder and wilder animals. But the dude was not sexually attracted to any of them.
21-22. And God said, "Dude take a nap" and it was so. While the dude was sleeping, God broke off one of his ribs without even waking him up which is hard to do. And God took the rib and made a woman which is even harder to do!
23. And the dude says, "WHOA MAN! You did that with my bone?" And the name stuck.
24. And for no apparent reason, this is why dudes leave home to hook up with chicks eventually getting married because they figured out sex.
25. And the dude and woman were naked ... and liked it!
If you don't believe read it for yourself.
