Micheal Elliott Revised Version
1. They came to the other side of the sea to the land of the Gerasenes for bar-b-que because Israel forbade barb-que joints but the Gerasenes did not.
2. As soon as Jesus hopped out of the boat he ran smack dab into a man who lived in a graveyard and the dude was dirty.
3. The man was wearing broken handcuffs and a chain
4. The Sherriff had arrested the man a lot because he kept breaking public nuisance laws and the public hates nuisances of any kind! The man didn't wear clothes and scared kids and old ladies. He also smelled and hadn't taken a bath in a long time.
5. If that wasn't bad enough, all damn night and all damn day, the dude would just scream bloody murder in the graveyard which really pissed the preachers off when they were doing funerals. As part of the public, they called the Sheriff.
6. When he saw Jesus the dude fell down.
7. And he screamed, "WHAT DO WANT JESUS? DON'T FUCK WITH ME!"
8. At the same time Jesus was saying to the dude, "You got too much going on man. We gotta lighten your load."
9. And Jesus stuck out his hand and said, "My name's Jesus. What's yours?" And the dude said, "Hi Jesus. I'm Lee, which is short for Legion which is a terrible name and I got lots of issues in no small part because my Mama named me that."
10. Then he said, "I don't want to be deported" for he was an illegal immigrant.
11. Now there was a huge pig farm next to the graveyard to supply the bar-b-que joints with plenty of pork because all of the people of Israel would desire bar-b-que sandwiches at the moment the Rabbi said, "Thou Shalt Not Eat Bar-b-gue sandwiches or ribs" and as soon as Temple was over they got in their boats and crossed the sea because there is nothing better than a good bar-b-que sandwich.
12. And Jesus got the idea to put all of Lee's issues in the pigs because it pissed Jesus off that the very wealthy pig farmers didn't give a rat's ass about a naked, messed up illegal immigrant living in the graveyard next door.
13. Verily, Jesus said, "Sooie!" and simultaneously Lee stood up straight and all the pigs stampeded into the sea and drowned putting the pig farm out of business.
14. Horrified, the pig farmers ran to town to get a lynch mob together because bar-b-que sandwiches just got a hell of a lot more expensive.
15. When the pig farmers showed back up with the Sherriff and a crowd, Jesus was sitting there talking to Lee who was looking good all washed up, wearing a white Latitudes 32 Full Moon Party tee shirt, Hook & Tackle shorts and flip flops which scared the shit out of the pig farmers, the Sherriff and the mob who all wore pleated Kaki!16. Witnesses who had seen the whole thing described what had happened for the News which had a mobile truck on site. The witnesses all lived in a nearby trailer park and were wearing stained whife-beater tee shirts and flowery Moo-Moos.
17. The witnesses, reporters, pig farmers, Sherriff and mob immediately began the process to deport Jesus.
18. Verily Jesus said, "No problem Mon," and started climbing back in the boat when Lee said he wanted to go.
19. And Jesus said, "Naw, go home. They're going to deport you anyway. Tell your people want happened." Then Jesus looked at the whole crazy scene and said, "Lord have mercy" as they sailed out of sight.
20. And Lee told everyone he met that Jesus is one cool dude.
