It's not my Mom this time.
Mom's forever asking me before proceeding to get on to me if when I use "bad words," chiding me and reminding "You were raised to be better than that!"
It wasn't my wife Sarah either.
My writing typically leaves her speechless and she refuses to bring it up at all unless she thinks I'm thinking too much about the past when we have so much present to live and future to plan.
It wasn't Sarah or Mom this time ... it was Judy O.
"Why did you write that," she asks.
"Me?" I cleverly deflect the antagonistic question ... I haven't even finished my first cup of coffee at The Breakfast Club.
"Tybee does not hate black people," she clarifies.
"Yeah we were just counting the number walking by," I smile.
"Gay black people," Johnny O further clarifies.
"Yeah," I agree, "gay black people. We haven't seen one yet."
"Well don't write that kind of stuff," Judy O says sounding like Sarah and Mom.
"Fine," I agree because I love Judy and Johnny O, "I'll write something vanilla today."
"That's great!" Johnny O and Judy O say at the same time.
"It'll be about white people," I let them know in advance.
So I've come up with a new game based on living on Tybee Island for those who don't live here but want to ... or for those white people who want to know exactly who lives here.
Whitley Reynolds is going to help me design a plotted map of the island showing every dwelling.
In the middle of the map is a string to calculate the radius of how far your house is from (a) a Gay Person ... (b) a black person ... (c) a politician ... (d) homes without children ... (e) number of cop cars ... (f) everybody else.
There will be little pins to mark the homes ... (a) rainbow colored pins ... (b) black ones ... (c) green puke colored ones ... (d) a couple of transparent ones no one can see ... (e) a couple of hundred pins with little flashing blue lights and (f) and ones with dollar signs on them.
You can have fun plotting who lives near you ... even if you don't live here yet and plan on buying a house from Judy O ... or the Soul Sisters ... or a Gaster ... you'll know what you are buying and it'll be fun knowing what's around you.
This is going to significantly help keep people excited about Tybee when they're stuck in traffic trying to leave the island ... or come on the island ... or waiting on the Cop to finish searching their car without a warrant.
Well I have to go ... wait on Whitley Reynolds to call me back ... put our house on the market ... take Goddess and Winston The Little Gay Dog downstairs to wait on the Cop who's going to ticket for writing this blog ... wave at my gay neighbors ... and brace myself for what Sarah, Mom and Judy O are going to say to me about this.
