What does a Pirate wear to a Captain’s Dinner?
It’s been bothering me all day.
Just because a Captain has a uniform doesn’t mean everybody else
on the F-ing ship should have to put on long pants!
It makes me understand mutiny.
Of course I took several classes in mutiny in Seminary so I am an
expert.
I can hear a lot of you asking, “What? They teach mutiny in
Seminary?”
The answer is, of course they do.
It all started when God decided to separate the heavens from the
earth, followed by the land from the water. What actually happened is the land
was sick of being wet. At the time its occupation was being the bottom of the
ocean which is not the best job in the universe so the land quit and formed
Continents which is an ancestor of the Confederacy which of course eventually
led to Congress.
Everything’s a circle because Congress is as close as you can get
to the slime sucking, bottom dwelling dark muck.
There’s also Jonah and the whale. Most have it backwards believing
Jonah built a fire in the belly of the whale giving him heartburn until the
behemoth threw up a man and his puppets who were, of course, Congressmen.
In fact the opposite is true. Whales swore off politics in
Biblical times beginning in Nineveh. Before there were Congressmen, there were
a people run by Conan the Rotarian, who believed you could solve the problems
of the world through weekly lunch meetings.
The Rotarian people made the mistake of serving a seafood buffet
one Monday at 11:45 in a Hyatt Regency and all hell broke loose. The seafood
wasn’t dead and included Killer Whale which held a raffle before eating the
Rotarians, though a couple escaped and hold meetings to this day.
Pus everybody’s got it wrong about Sodom and Gomorrah, the Twin
Cities of excessive partying. Back in Biblical times most everyone was a sinner
because the Ten Commandments hadn’t been invented yet. They needed a place for
an annual convention so they chose Sodom. The event proved so popular they had
to expand to Gomorrah.
It got too big so God invented the Ten Commandments and brought an
end to the perks, parties, prostitutes, and broken promises all happening in
one place at the same time. Except … again … a few escaped though they broke
off into two different factions and still meet to this day in Congress and …
the Southern Baptist Convention.
This brings me back to mutiny and the Captain.
I don’t have any problems with a man who likes to play dress up.
I’m not into it but if it makes him happy then fine. Just don’t go sticking my
legs in long pants to make him feel better.
So I’ve spent the entire day utilizing the things I learned in
Seminary, the times I spent in Congress and speaking before Rotary Clubs organizing
a mutiny and let me tell you something.
As far as I can see right now, I don’t see one single person
wearing pants.
