It only took 5 1/2 years of pancreatic cancer, then prostrate cancer, to get me ordained as a Bishop.
It makes no sense whatsoever!
Another part of our Divine Comedy.
Since my diagnosis in 2020, we reacted to the cancer with surgeries, chemotherapy and other treatments, until we stopped 16 months ago.
Half a decade later, we remain inside of the bubble we've built, that's obviously working, because I'm still not dead yet.
When I say "we", what I really mean is Sarah.
She built it, altering everything about the way she thinks, plans, works, plays and rest, so that I'm taking care of, and still able to find joy, even fun, in every single day.
Che's changed too, an ordinary happy-go-lucky girl, who morphemes into a caregiver, just like her Mother, when things go wrong for me.
The look on her face when I trip, stumble, fall, or face plant. She rushes over, picks me up, takes me to Sarah, just breaks my heart. Dark flashes of fear in Che's eyes remind me that she knows it can all end at any moment.
Since my diagnosis in 2020, we reacted to the cancer with surgeries, chemotherapy and other treatments, until we stopped 16 months ago.
Half a decade later, we remain inside of the bubble we've built, that's obviously working, because I'm still not dead yet.
When I say "we", what I really mean is Sarah.
She built it, altering everything about the way she thinks, plans, works, plays and rest, so that I'm taking care of, and still able to find joy, even fun, in every single day.
Che's changed too, an ordinary happy-go-lucky girl, who morphemes into a caregiver, just like her Mother, when things go wrong for me.
The look on her face when I trip, stumble, fall, or face plant. She rushes over, picks me up, takes me to Sarah, just breaks my heart. Dark flashes of fear in Che's eyes remind me that she knows it can all end at any moment.
It's hard to maintain anything for 5 1/2 years, especially 2 stage 4 cancers, yet here we are! Exhausted, weary, mentally fatigued, and still holding on for dear life.
At least, for a little longer.
We talk, and joke, openly about my dying as we keep things real, but after so long, it's become harder for us, each in different ways.
It's hard to find motivation to change our norms, and we struggle with that.
The rare visitor inside our bubble often leaves me in bed for days, overwhelmed by emotions, leaving Sarah and Che to caretake more, and that's not fair to them.
I've been very public on social media, and it gives false senses of our realities.
For me to go anywhere, Sarah's forced to do a great deal of extra work, and must hit the window of me feeling well enough to try. It makes planning hard.
Finding motivation to let Lainey drag me for a walk, referred to as exercise in our house, is becoming extremely challenging.
The same's true with my writing.
It's becoming so hard. The inspiration's still there but the energy, focus, and determination are waining.
The same's true with my writing.
It's becoming so hard. The inspiration's still there but the energy, focus, and determination are waining.
We try to hold onto the present as we do our best to prepare for a very different future.
So when a package arrives, the official certification anointing me Bishop, a sponteanous gift from out of the blue, we laugh in delight and joy.
It's a preposterous gift!
Especially now!
I am honored at the accolade, because it seems like a blessing on 5 1/2 years of sickness, toil and danger.
Perhaps it will bless us some future for us too.
Perhaps it will bless us some future for us too.
*******
My Celebration of Life delightfully lingers but is coming to an end. Help me make sure Sarah and Che will be fine without me.
Please consider being part of their future at https://gofund.me/ffda4f4b
