Could We Start Again Please?

Ryan and I have decided that we are cursed when it comes to women in our lives and romance. He lost his girlfriend recently and I have no body in my life either. Neither of us have anyone interested in us either, so we sat beside one another at the counter of the Breakfast Club and came to the conclusion that we are cursed.

Unfortunately Johnny O was sitting there when we made this announcement. He looked at Ryan first and said, “It’s because you look guilty.”

“Oh is that it?” Ryan laughed.

“Yep,” Johnny O continued, “even when you’ve done nothing wrong you look like you have and women don’t trust that.”

“And you!” he said pointing a finger at me, “you’re out of control!”

Then he left. Johnny O has never been known for bringing conversations to a meaningful conclusion.

“Well I know what I want to do,” Ryan said after a few minutes of silence. “I’m moving to Colorado and am going to get a job as a Ski Lift assistant and help women get on it.”

At only 24 years of age, Ryan still has a lot to learn.

“I know what you mean,” I reply. “You got to have hope. I’m going to get a job as the towel boy for the University of Georgia girl’s swim team.”

“Now you’re talking,” Ryan smiled.

Franklin, who is brown, stood on the other side of the counter listening to us. “Yeah, I know what you mean,” he chimed in, “there are no available women on this island except gay ones. I want to be a professional beach volley ball player; a woman’s team or co-ed because it really doesn’t matter. I’m pretty desperate.”

And you can’t help but wonder sometimes why love remains elusive when it is the thing that each of us wants the most. This isn’t necessarily the same thing as being married or in a significant relationship with someone for a long time. I know a lot of people who live together but don’t share the kind of love that they desire with everything inside of them.

There is no one in my life at this time. Love hides from me. Serendipity has fled for other horizons. I sit in my red room and stare out of the windows at lush vegetation and brilliant green marsh grass and I can’t help but wonder where it went wrong. I’ve made a successful career for myself giving love away only to find myself sitting here alone.

There is this scene in the musical “Jesus Christ Superstar” that is very meaningful for me. The Disciples are sitting outside of the gate among the crowd as Jesus is getting his ass kicked by Pilate’s men. Mary Magdalene and Simon Peter stand and sing.

“I’ve been living to see you, dying to see you but it shouldn’t be like this; this was unexpected, what do I do now? Oh, could we start again please?”

They are desperate to get back to Jesus’ promises of a new world full of love and possibilities. Instead they watch love being beat to hell. They long for what was as they regret what is.

I think it is healthy to take an inventory of how you’ve lived your life from time to time; Reflections of my life. I suppose that’s what I’m doing. Could we start again please? It is a valid question because in the end that is all that we have; to get up every day and start over, trying to not repeat the mistakes or the mishaps of the past.

And always looking to the future where there is the love that we want with everything that is inside of us.