Intentional Friendship

On Friday I had lunch with my dear friend Ben Barnes and Herb McKenzie. Ben has been relentless in tracking me down, pinning me down for a date and forcing me to leave Tybee and drive to Johnny Harris’ Restaurant. Ben is in his nineties, a retired God of the Banking industry, former Chairman of the Board of Union Mission and my friend. Herb is retired from the pharmaceutical industry, is a bear of a man, and also a former Board chair.

We greeted one another with hugs and smiles.

Herb and I drank a beer while Ben ordered iced sweet tea. We talked about what each of us has been up to, Union Mission of course, and then a bunch of old stories of things that we’d done. It was a wonderful time in Savannah when I’m not really into leaving the island these days except to drive to the airport.

And it was intentional on Ben’s part.

His friendship with me … and with Herb … is very … intentional.

I think that all friendships are intentional.

They take work. Someone initiates. Someone reacts. Then it flips and ends up being equal.

Most have life spans. They might last forever but not in the same way.

We change as individuals and it ends up impacting the relationships that we are in.

My dear friend Guy and I haven’t actually spoken in years though we keep on with one another because of the miracle of Face Book and the Internet. I would not be me without Guy. He’s the one who “called” me to go to Seminary. We were very intense with one another in college and during the first part of Seminary. Then he went on to become who he is and I went on to become who I am. We love one another for the contributions we made to one another but we are no longer intentional about our friendship.

I can say the same thing about a lot of other friends who were very significant to me but our lives have taken us away from one another. For whatever reason … we are no longer … intentional about our friendship.

At the same time you throw Guy and I in the same room unexpectedly in a room at the same time and after a few awkward moments we would fall right back into the ways that we used to be with one another.

I really learned this with my friends Dedra, Mark and Mitch. We all went to college together then took several decades apart before hooking back up on Face Book. I hosted a reunion at my house and within one hour we were all the way that they were in college. Over the past year we have become very intentional with one another … communicating most every day ... seeing one another often ... enjoying us again.

Today my friend the famous Dr. Jim Withers is sitting across the table from me. Earlier he was at the Breakfast Club with me and met my extended family there along with Dave and Sandi. When we left I was explaining to Jim how we’re all very intentional with one another.

“Intentional friendship?” he asked.

And it made me stop dead in my tracks.

“They really are aren’t they?” I answered.

Back home we took Goddess for a walk and he was commenting about how everyone on this clump of sand seems to be good friends.

I laughed. “Well we all know one another.”

In a bit, a group of us are going to get in the water of the Back River and float to the Crab Shack. I will be with the very famous Dr. Jim Withers, Dedra from college and Jodee and Cheryl from the island … a strange collision of friends from different times and places … who are all together now.

Very intentionally so.