Assimilation on Tybee Island

"Stop leaving the island," Dedra scolded me, "things go crazy when you're not here!"

Staring at her like she'd lost her mind, I thought to myself "What are you talking about? Things are crazy when I am here."

But Dedra did not give me the opportunity to say anything because she kept talking telling me about all of the ... other-than-normal activity on Tybee Island ... as if there is any other kind.

I must admit that it was a pretty impressive list accomplishments in the two days that I was gone.

Let's count, shall we.

At the Bored meeting Dave, one of the members, has begun bringing a gun. This is after a drag queen got drunk and attempted a sidewalk performance in front of Fannie's-on-the-beach.

Then a pot bellied man from Augusta decided to throw a cigarette butt in the middle of the sidewalk ... which pissed Roma off and she let it be known ... so Bored member Al said something to the man ... who decided to use his pot belly to knock Al out of his chair into the middle of the street. Dave forgot he had a gun. Augusta man was taken away by the Tybee Island Police Department.

Bar Church Assistant Minister Joe is taken to the hospital with twisted bowels. In the Old Testament one of the ways in which God is described as speaking to us is ... yep ... through the bowels. You have to wonder what God is saying to Joe.

Julie Just Julia's house was invaded and taken over by a drunken photographer in distress who barricaded herself in fortified by Jack Daniels and the skirmish lasted for four days.

The Samuel Adams Band lost it's bass player. (This is by far the most tragic thing that has happened!)

The Tybee Island City Council purchased more "Stop Signs" from another city that went out of business and has put them up ... you know to Stop to take a breath.

Johnny O's singing of his original song "I'm just sitting on my porch eating a booger" from my birthday party has become one of You-Tube's biggest hits. He is contemplating performing it on "America's Got Talent."

And of course ... Whitley's bicycle got drunk.

All of this occurred in the 48 hours I was gone and somehow it is now my fault.

Now while of this was happening I was touring homeless camps in Cleveland, receiving unwanted emails, walking through squalor (Hospital CEO's office), and witnessing the epitome of human kindness. My homecoming was delightful and happy.

Now Dedra is giving it to me.

It's alright. I'm used to shouldering the blame.

There is a saying that I believe in with all of my heart. "You can accomplish anything if you don't care who get's the credit."

In this case, I didn't accomplish anything on the island while I was gone, but am getting all of the credit.

Hmm......

I think Dedra is assimilating to Tybee.