Everybody Hurts

Sometimes you have to stop writing, walk away from sharing your life and focus on what's best for your children ... your best friend and lover ... yourself.

It's been a week-and-a-half and the only reason I wrote then was to promote a special Bar Church service on the Beach.

That really wasn't writing for me but for others.

It was work.

Plus Che's so much damn fun! Being part of most of her moments are a spectacular way to spend a day! It's not to say she doesn't wear me out but as I fall asleep on the sofa or collapse exhaustively into bed, I am most fulfilled and satisfied.

And it's not to say I haven't been utterly occupied by other events ... a Hurricane dumping 20 inches of water inside of the house ... six people sleeping in two bedrooms make for a close family but we're a little too cozy ... relentless creditors who care less about Hurricanes ... children who struggle with the present because of the past ... a lawsuit.

Such things zap the desire to write.

Yet inspiration still finds me.

Even if it's the suck ass kind.

There are those you've been incredibly kind to, helping begin a career or starting over when life hadn't been kind and, when all's said and done, they don't care.

In fact, you're somehow blamed for everything gone wrong in life since you helped.

Kindness can begat blame.

In this particular case, I was twice kind. I hired her and she used it as a jumping block to make the life she wants and, though it started out well enough, it went to shit and bad things happened.

You go with what you know in life so she asked for help starting over again and I took her back into the corporate family.

The second chance seemed to work because after she moved on I never heard from her again.

So it was in shock I saw her sitting in court with the other side, rooting against me having forgotten exactly who it was that gave the chances.

I've lived long enough to know most people forget ... institutional history ... HELL History itself! ... kindness given ... substituting it for those liked rather than who acted ... friendship rather than conditional relationship.

"Everybody hurts," the song goes.

It's funny.

At Bar Church, where Hymns are whatever we make em out to be, I was asked to incorporate "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. into our canon because we already do "Losing My Religion" in services.

I remember laughing and shaking my head.

But not today.

I'm practicing instead as Che coos from her crib.