But there really isn't.
They believe with absolute conviction everyone's replaceable and tell me to my face.
"That's true," I recall saying "but it's gonna take five to replicate everything I do and you can't afford five."
An already angry face boils over into shades of red I've never seen before or since.
Thrusting his index finger into my chest, the anger erupts from his mouth, "EVERYBODY."
"Whatev's," I shrug using a favorite word at that time, stolen from a Canadian family I spent a lot of time with in those days.
It may have been the word choice ... perhaps the shrug of my shoulders ... but probably because I know far more about how things work than he though he believes otherwise.
When the dust finally settles, we're both right.
I'm replaced ... in fact they're still replacing me unable to find the right person or combination of people to do everything I did.
There's a sad satisfaction in knowing this but the grandeur of what we accomplished is long gone, fueled by the liquidation of assets, replacement of key personnel and radical change in mission.
What I'd spent 30 years devoting my life to is ripped from my hands and I'm left holding nothing.
It's hard to go from almost everything to nearly nothing in a short period of time.
Especially when it's unexpected.
It can be a marriage, job, belief, faith or hope.
It doesn't matter ... we've all been there.
I didn't do well at all.
Change is hard enough when you're not the one facilitating it and I went from being the key decision maker to reacting to each choice made.
So I did what a lot of people do ... I got drunk ... for a long time.
Drunk's great when you're in it ... and if you can figure out a way to make it last ... well, it's even better.
I see a lot of you know what I'm talking about.
We feel sorry for those of you who don't.
But nothing last forever ... marriages ... beliefs ... hopes ... dreams ... and even drunkenness.
Let me be positively clear, alcohol is not required to enter and remain in a drunken state ... though it was certainly the lubrication in my case ... it can be depression, anxiety, cynicism, narcissism ... bagism, shagism, dragism, madism, this-ism, that'ism ... ism, ism ism.
Honestly you can drunk your way through a marriage as easily as get sloshed at a Bar ... not fully engaged in the relationship ... and self medicating yourself through it.
You can cling to drunken dreams long passed any semblance of reality ... winning the lottery to cover your debts is a big one.
Dreams never die, forever laying dormant until the opportunity arises to grab hold of one and then you're a staggering, crazed person reaching for one only to knock it over ... spilling over the counter or the floor ... again missing out on something you've always wanted ... and looking foolish to whoever sees you try.
Nothing lasts forever ... including drunkenness ... regardless of how long you fight it ... sooner or later you wake up to ... reality.
If you're prepared for it ... reality's great!
If you're unprepared ... then reality sucks.
Again, we're not just talking about drinking ... but lots of other things too ... relationships ... self worth ... wishes ... cherished ambitions ... we're either ready for them or we're not.
If we are ... GREAT! ... expectation meets reality!
If we're not ... then it's simply best to follow Jimmy Buffet's advice and get yourself "drunk and jump right back in."
It brings me to one of my favorite Bible stories.
It's after Noah builds the Ark because the world's gone to Hell and God thinks it best to start over because the first time didn't work out all that well.
Noah builds a boat, lets a few people in ... utterly outnumbered by animals ... it starts to rain ... Noah and friends survive along with horses, ducks, geese, dragonflies and elephants ... everybody else drowns ... then, according to God's plan ... they start the world over.
"And Noah becomes the first farmer. The first thing he plants is a Vineyard. He drinks the wine, gets drunk, naked, and passes out" (Genesis 9:20).
The Bible doesn't say if Noah invented the first "Toast" or not but I think he probably did.
Here's to us!
There's no one else
So ... let's drink!
After being called crazy for believing in a God telling him to build a boat, fill it with animals and a few people because the world's gone to Hell, survive the greatest flood in history and then start the world over from scratch.
Noah pulls it off and if anyone deserves a toast ... it's him ... but they don't exist yet ... neither does drinking to excess ... so Noah plants some grapes ... waits for them to ripen ... harvest them ... makes wine ... drinks it ... toasts himself for surviving everything he's been through ... get shitfaced drunk ... takes off his clothes ... and passes out.
If you've ever done this ... or some of it ... it's pretty Biblical stuff you've done.
Here's where the story gets crazy!
"So Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his Dad naked, told his brothers ... Shem and Japhet ... who grab a blanket and cover their old man, but back in so they don't have to look and see ..." (Genesis 9: 22-23).
Well ... you know what they don't want to look at.
"When Noah comes to, he knows his youngest kid told the rest of the family ... and figures it's them who covered him with the blanket ... so he curses Ham's son Canaan ... blesses the boys with the blanket ... and goes on to live to be 950" (Genesis 9: 24-29).
Now I can relate to lots of this story.
I've gotten drunk before and woke up naked ... and I cursed anybody who said I'd done something wrong.
I see some of you can relate to Noah's story too.
We can only assume Noah kept the Vineyard ... harvesting grapes ... making wine ... getting drunk ... taking off his clothes ... and passing out.
The Bible doesn't say one way or the other.
Here's what we know though.
Noah was never the same after the flood as he was before it happened.
I don't think he ever got over it which is why he invented drinking.
And I'm fairly certain he did it for the rest of his life.
Doesn't matter because ... Noah survives!
So back to my story.
After my drunken period ... like Noah I survive ... and also like Noah I'm not the same as I was before.
There were good things in my life back then ... just like in Noah's ... some great things happened ... on occasionally stupendous things ... but it's a new world now ... a much better one.
Like Noah who survived the old, selfish, arrogant, ways that led to the destruction of the world he lived in ... the world I once lived in is no more either.
It's been destroyed, regulated to the past, now little more than distant memories and occasional stories to tell if it strikes me.
Also like Noah, as my old life came crumbling to an end ... crashing down around me putting me in danger of drowning ... I got through it somehow and celebrated by getting drunk ... for way too long.
It's funny there's no condemnation of Noah drinking, getting drunk or losing his laundry.
The one who was embarrassed by it is cursed.
The boys who took care of their passed out old man are blessed.
Crazy huh!
The story though is really about surviving ... and sometimes the things we've gotten through in life have been so horribly rotten the only thing we want to do is get drunk and forget.
Or ... we can toast surviving ... drink to what we have now rather than we had then ... celebrate everything God's given us, including the lessons we learned from back then ... be fruitful and multiple because we're still here and capable of doing so ... and than can mean kids ... love ... ideas ... making the world a better place than what it was before.
So the next time you raise a glass, ask yourself which you're doing?
Micheal Elliott
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