Dancing with Symptoms

 

After hearing the symptoms of a pancreatic cancer enrolling in Hospice, it's easy to see that I'm no different from anyone else. 

We all share shortness of breath, pain, confusion and agitation. 

Personally, I think I only have 2 of these but, at this point, Hospice manages the pain, and I'm aware of how much it hurts when they're not, and they're doing a great job!

Neither confusion nor agitation have presented as symptoms yet, though Sarah and Che will disagree. 

I'm not like my Dad, who in his later years became a hypochondriac, catching every symptom he ever saw on television.  

I don't do that, though Sarah, Che and Hospice believe otherwise but, especially Hospice, or they wouldn't have let me in. 

The pain never really goes away, though, which is why the very 1st question they ask is, "What hurts?"

"Everything," I answer. 

And Hospice handles the problem, the pain is managed and I feel so much better. 

What Hospice doesn't tell you about pain management is that it's a moving target, so we're forever altering what medicines and the results are sometimes "hit and miss". 

There's no question I have a chronic shortness of breath. Most anything I do leaves me gulping for air, collapsing in a chair and frustrated. This is happening my abdomen is slowly filling with fluid. 

Complicating it is the dry, chronic coughing possessing me throughout the day, forever hacking with no real results. 

Cough is not the right word. 

"Your chest muscles are too weak for you to cough," my Nurse explains. "Don't try too hard," he smiles. 

"I couldn't if I wanted to," I shrug.

The next symptom is being contested by me because I can't believe it.  Apparently, I'm confused a lot and doing confusing things, which I freely admit. 

Sarah asks me a question and as I answer I realize I am speaking in tongues. 

Sarah's got that "What in the Hell are you talking about?" look in her eyes, and I quickly concede that was confusing.

Evidently speaking in tongues qualifies as confusion and I can't argue with it because I contest it until I understand it. 

This leads to the final symptom all pancreatic cancer patients are agitated. 

Even a laid back person like me. 

I say confusing things to others deflecting any expressions of anger. 

Take it all together and I clearly meet the entrance requirements of Hospice for pancreatic cancer. 

One Nurse explains that some pancreatic cancer patients survive as much as 5 years. 

I'm getting ready to pass six. 

Sarah constructed a way of living thah's got me this far and we're struggling with the influx of medicine and professionals mixing with our way of living, which clearly

worked for us 

Then again. 

I'm in Hospice. 

Things have changed. 

                           🌴🌴🌴

My Celebration of Life delightfully lingers but is coming to an end. Help me make sure Sarah and Che will be fine without me.  

Please consider being part of their future at https://gofund.me/ffda4f4b