The Best Life Saver Ever

 

There are times I feel as I'm dying. 

Up multiple times after I go to sleep because of prostate issues,  I give up and stumble into the shower.  

Hopefully I haven't waken Sarah with my groaning, moaning, sweating and snorting, though once I fell back in bed so hard, she bounced, woke in mid-air, hit the bed which caused me to bounce and, well, that wasn't a good night.

I want to die when things like this happen but, I don't know, now it makes me laugh. 

My worse moments are standing in front of the mirror and looking at what I look like.  

Naked. 

It's depressing. 

My shoulders and arms look like a Concentration Camp survivor, as do my legs.   

My belly is my best feature, proud and strutting, primarily because everything inside's been radically rearranged, reconnected and refined, and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

Turning, I see that I still have no butt.

It'd be nice to have that back.  

I'm crazy tanned from floating in the pool with Sarah and Che most everyday. 

Yes, I tan the cancer.  

The problem though is how much like leather my skin resembles, like that of an old tanned man.

I sigh. 

Turning off the bathroom light, I tiptoe through our bed room, tossing my underwear into the laundry basket in the dark as I do, before shutting the bedroom door so Sarah can sleep.  

It's 1:30 in the morning and, in a several hours, I'll learn I missed the laundry basket. 

I hit brew on the coffee pot, smoke a bowl outside, light a candle, find a video of a bonfire on a beach and get dressed. 

Sticking my earbuds in, I find the right tunes, hit play and off I go off on social media.  

Our Dalmatian, Lainey snuggles beside me on the sofa. 

For the rest of the night, this is what I do, until Sarah or Che get up, and every single time they do, I'm immediately grateful we get one more day together. 

Lately Sarah's getting up first because of the foster puppies, Tom and Jerry, that we're caring for right now.  

Che gets up when her Mom gets up. 

We have fun for as long as we can, but I peter out as the day proceeds. 

After breakfast, Lainey drags me for a walk, which we call exercise in our house, and if I don't do it, I'm convinced I will die. 

So I walk because, well, I'm not ready yet.  

As hard as it is sometimes, life is still so much fun, especially when you're spending it with the people you love the most. 

I'm trying to be realistic about all of it. 

Death is the price you pay for life. 

The trick is, for me anyway, cancer certainly exacerbates my dying, but it's up to me how much it robs from my living.

Well, and Sarah and Che too, because I certainly wouldn't be here were it not for them.  

Thank God I got Sarah pregnant late in my life, because has that not ended up being the best life saver ever or what?!

                         ********

My Celebration of Life is done while Sarah and Che have a whole new life together, coming soon and I want to make it special. 

Please consider being part of their future at https://gofund.me/ffda4f4b